I Am Still Fighting To Be Happy

Last night I told my friend something I thought I would never tell anyone. I wanted to tell her for a long time but I could not become brave enough to tell her. Afraid that she would judge me or treat me different. We were texting and I told her I was not going to be at school the next day and then she asked why. I told her there is a lot of famile problems. I also told her I didn’t think I could fight to be happy anymore. I had never told her why I always had bruses up and down my armes, or why I was always so scared to go home. She told me that if anything was going to get better that I would have to stop bottling it up. Then what happened next I could have never expected. The girl that was always happy, smiling, and telling jokes told me about her past. As a kid she was beaten by her dad who then left her. Because she was friend with the wrong people she started doing drugs and drinking every night. Then she was pushed to the point where she tried to kill herself and was always cutting herself. But one day she turned her life aroud she told her mom everything. Her relationship with God grew and she put the past behind her. She told me that I was the only friend who knew and that bottling every thing up could lead me down the same path. We talked for a little while longer then I told her. Told her about my dad beating me and then he took my brother from me. I told her about how some days when I get home from school my dad is waiting on my front porch waiting to hurt me. I told her that he never loved me and he would not feed me for days at a time and make me drink beer because he thought it would make me skinny. I told her about everything else going on in my life and she told me that a was taking a good first step but it was up to me to keep going on the road to turning my life around. No I have never done drugs or tried killing myself but bottling everything up and not telling my mom could lead to that. I’m taking more steps now I’m talking to her more about what to do next and I am building a relationship with God. She is helping me but I still bottle everything up and am not being myself, and worst of all I’m fighting even harder to be happy

What do I do keep fighting to be happy or go to a better place where I can dance in the stars with angles?
RagenCox RagenCox
18-21, F
2 Responses Sep 17, 2012

Dear Ragen, you are fortunate to have such a wonderful friend with the experience you need to help you with your situation. It is very sad that you have both experienced abuse but at least you have each other. The next step is professional help and perhaps talking with trusted family members, your mother is a good start and other family members may have more information on your abusive father. Going to the authorities may be a good step also. your father should be in jail.

This is not your fault. You need to tell the truth to someone. CPS takes email reports. Take pictures of the bruises he puts on you.