I'm Not A Survivor...i'm Still A Victim

I really need to talk about this. It's hard, for me, to keep things like that in a 'secret box'...
I'm from Brazil, and i'm 15 now.
So, sorry me for the bad English

When i was a 'kid' (at age of 7), me, my 'lil sister (i am the older, in that time she had 4 years only) and my Mother (she was 26 in that time) used to live alone. On a very tiny house. It had only one room and the kitchen.
Our "father" leaved us on Curitiba (my mother is from São Paulo) ALL ALONE. My Mother's family was on São Paulo. She couldn't back because...she didn't had even a job.
Later, She finally found a job. But she, still, couldn't go back, the 'salary' wasn't enough for maintain a family. And lost the contact with them...basically, we were alone

But, after 3 months that our father has leaved us, my Mother has meet a guy, and passed a whole month with him, but we still didn't knew him.
After some time, we finally meet him. He seemed nice at first, he also had a son, called Isabella (note: this is not her real name). I passed sometime with Isa...and i noticed how scared she was when her Father is near. Sure, when he wasn't near, she was very normal, acting like a kid should act, don't being scared all the time, smiling, playing with us...
Sometime passed, and my Mom was pregnant. We moved to his house, and it was when the "torture" begins...

After 3 months with him, he started drinking too much. When he was home, he was probably drunk, at least 80% of the time. My Mother didn't liked, and someday they had a 'fight' because of that, and so he has beat my Mother. She lost her Baby because of that, she wanted to leave him, but she couldn't, she was forced to stay there, with him.

He then started beating me and my sister. He yelled at us for nothing, he slaped our faces, he did a lot of things. One day, when my mom wasn't home, he beated us so hard that our body was marked, (at least mine) he tortured us later, putting us on a "Black Room". He leaved us in there, without light, food. Whe passed a whole day there, all alone, crying and asking for him to take we out. He didn't even listened!...or he listened, but he didn't let us come out. He only allowed we to go out when my Mother was home.

It was so painful...sometimes, I'm locked on a room, hearing my little sister screaming for help most of the times when he's beat she. And later, sure, it will be MY time...it will be my time to receive the "Punishment"...and it was like this most of the time.
It happens like everyday

He still live with us. My Mother asked for help, but no one really cares.
I'm here now, writing this, afraid of what he can do to me and to my sisters today.
I just want to say this...to write this, to talk about this.
My Mother, sad, has lost already 2 baby's because of him, she's depressed because of that. No one here help us. We don't have family, except by him...

Yesterday, he slaped my face and thrown me on the flour, and started kicking me, because i didn't want to make the damn dinner.
I'm so scared...my little sister, always cry. She is always crying when he's near, she can't say a word or does anything, because he will probably beat her.
My Mother...she started drinking too, and i guess people doesn't help she because...she always drunk and is rarely at home. So basically, I'm always with him.
I made the dinner, and take care of the house. If don't do this right, i will be hardly punished.

I hope God helps me here.
I can't handle this anymore.
The Policy says I'm too 'new'. They can't do anything because I'm still young. Some peoples says it's my fault, and that he does this because i asked for!

It's really my fault?...

Talt Talt
18-21, F
2 Responses Nov 30, 2012

Hun, it isn't your fault. I'm so sorry to hear that your going through that. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I once read a book about a similar situation. This boy he was sent to live with his grandma at a young age because his mom did drugs and left him home alone at age 3. On his tenth birthday she is finally out of jail and comes to visit with her new husband and his half sister. The mom and step dad leave for a bit and the girl is playing with her brother. She falls and gets dirt on her leggings. Te grandma takes them off and see's bruises. The little girl crystal for fear they will tell her father. The boy has to go back with his mom. Later the boy see's his step dad "touching" his sister in a bad way. He ends up getting hit and slapped. His mother leaves but doesn't take them with her. The step dad gets more violent. One day the boy went to a friends house an talked to his friends dad who is a lawyer. He told him everything. They took him to court and the court found him not guilty. The mother ends up coming back but the step dad gets her on drugs and alcohol. One day while the mom is at work their apartment catches on fire while the dad is "touching" the girl. The boy knocks out his step father and he grabbed his sister trying to get her out the step dad got up conscious again trying to find the kids and get out. He finds them and swings at the boy and part of the ceiling collapsed on him and the boy and girl make it out. Do you know anyone who is a lawyer or no anyone who can contact child services ???

it sounds like a very dangerous situation, is there any friends that might help let you stay with them?

Yeah...i'll have some friends.
I'm not on Curitiba, but on a sort of 'village', there isn't much people here and most of the people are so retrograde's on ideas. They blame my Mother to stay with him, but i can't blame she and i don't understand they point of views. Sure, she's stayed with him and moved with him to place where she didn't know anyone, she was wrong...but, what about him? I mean...they'll see what he's do, i guess, but they sure, doesn't care at all.
I'm afraid to tell'em and they doesn't help me, and later my stepdad will surely beat me.
The only one i can see that will surely help us is his Mother, my Grandmother (even tough she isn't my real Grandmother, i'll trait she like one). She will sure help us.
She doesn't know what he's does because we aren't allowed to talk about this, but my Grandma sure doesn't like his attitude, she never liked, really. I've also heard from him that they always had fights because of his attitudes.
I'll Christmas there with them...and i will tell'em what he's do to us, hope they help us...

Thank you for the help! I really appreciated ^^

I hope your Grandmother will understand and help you, you need to be in a safe place away from your stepfather. He sounds very dangerous, and I think you should look into every avenue you can to get away. maybe you can get a job save up money and move out as soon as possible. I pray that things will go well this Christmas and that you will be in a safe place soon

Hey, hi...
So, i know you was a bit of worried with that, and i thought you might want to know what problems i solved.

I've talked with my Grandma...i said everything he did, the whole abuse thing.
She listened and said that...i'll move to her house on February! ^^
I'm just so happy! Me and my Sisters will start living with her.
My 'father' still doesn't know nothing about that.
My Grandma just talked about that with my Mommy about that. And now, i think my Mother is so selfish!
We had a fight on Christmas because of that, she said i shouldn't leave her all alone there, with him. I argued! I mean...he was beating me since i was 7, and she never did ANYTHING!
I sacrificed so many things because of my sisters! I was a Mother to my Sisters, since she always protected him and wasn't home when we most needes her. I cannot endure my 'Father' abuse anymore.
She just screamed and called me names. January will be "a month"...

My Mother's a crazy woman, it's not possible someone can think that way...specially a Mother, don't you agree?