Where To Start?

Today is my first time on this website. I dont speak or tell people my story. It is very hard for me. Sometime I forget the details.. I block it out.. Then something happens.. And I remember. Wish I didn't remember. What can I do to forget? I can't it is part of my life: I AM A CHILD ABUSE SURVIVOR.
Where to begin. I don't remember the first years if my life.. Untill I was 5-6yrs old. That's where the story starts. 5-6 and 6-7. We are two little girls. My only sister and I. My sister is 3 1/2 yrs older than I. We lived though an emotional roller coaster. My mother had us at 16 and 19yrs( she was orphaned and lived half her life in the orphanage) untill My father who is 12yrs older than my mother seduced her innocence and along came my sister. Long story short. My sister and I went through my mothers mental illness in that year. I remember watching sexual encounter with multiple partners my Mother had. She used to make me hold up blankets at the Beach while she was with a man underneath. I remember horrible images of my mother taking us to a Temple( I had to sit in a waiting room with the younger children) while my sister was allowed to join my Mother. In the hours waiting for my mother I would scream and not be at my best behavior...the people in charge if me would take me to a hallway and there was a door in the floor...they opened it and I was forced to stare at what they said was something terrible. Will never forget. Will never forget that my Mother would read us the bible. CAN I GO ON?? Memories.. My hand are shaking I am crying. I don't want to remember. But I WANT and need to share my story! I have found people who been through similar situations as I. Ok.. I can go on. Reading. Sitting on Mom's lap.. Her voice.. Not English. She would obligate me to listen. I didn't want to. Nope... Can go on. Skip the next part.
I was in Kindergarten...Mom was in a mental state that she wouldn't let me go to school... She would tell me that they would take me. Eventually I got left back. Fast forward.
At night my sister and I would have to bring my mother back inside the house... She would run the streets... Preaching... No clothes. My sister would tell me sit o the steps while I find Mom. The last thing my mother did to us was Abandon us( which was the worse thing she ever did) when I continue my story you the readers will know why. Rewind... My mother left us in an airport( no clothes.. No food) she couldn't take care of us.. And My mother knew it... She loved us...SHAKING HANDS AGAIN.. Can I go on?? Yes... I took a minute. My sister gave information and we were found by paternal relatives and the Man who is my father. Paternal relatives collected clothes and we were living in different Aunts houses( no one could take us both) that happened for awhile. My sister 10-11yrs got molested by my aunts husband.. I blocked it out. An angel watched over me...
29jenny 29jenny
31-35, F
Dec 7, 2012