Where To Start Part 2

When I said that when my mother a banded us... It was the worst thing to happen. She was institutionalized.. Squizofrenia, hallucinations, bipolar disorder, depression. Mom Has been in a Mental hospital since I was 7-8yrs old and has never gotten out. We visited her many many times. I was to young to go in the ward.. Would watch my mom through the window in the door and put my hand on the window when she put hers. It was our way of holding hands. I will never forget the time that I had a Mom.. It wasn't great... But it was better then what was ahead of my sister an I. When the bad time came.. I would close my eyes and remember the pea soup my Mom would make me. Tears again. Can you believe that I bought a package of pea soup and made it for myself when I was an adult. Wanted to see if it brought back memories. I never knew who my mother was. I believe In my heart that when she made me that Pea Soup ( she was ok) normal. That memory helped me stay sane. I can't eat it anymore or see them at the store... All I know is the only love I had as a child was in front of a bowl of soup... In the lap of a Mother reading to me and holding hands through a glass. My mother never hit my sister or me...but as ironic as it sounds... Her illness has killed me more inside that what I am going to tell you readers in the next part. I survived the beatings of a Man who is called my father... The emotional abuse.. I put it away... My memory of my mother during those time where the best time in my young life... The life I lived with my mom... Her pea soup. Until she abandoned us.
29jenny 29jenny
31-35, F
1 Response Dec 7, 2012

I know the emptyness you feel, if you reach out ,perhaps some emptyness will fade some