Its Know I'm Struggling To Cope More Than Ever

I am a 35 year old women and I was abused by my Grandad for a lot of my early childhood. I grew up very withdrawn, not able to socialise so had no friends, anxiety attacks. I told my Mum when I was 19 and she called me a liar and did everything she could to protect him. That's when I found drink and did I drink a lot of it for over 10 years and I blotted it all out and didn't have to deal with it because drink numbed everything and it helped me to cry and talk about it with my partner sometimes. Anyway I stopped drinking in 2009 and its like Im that ttle girl again. I have been through a lot of personal stuff last year and it went completely down hill from there for me mentally. I didn't drink but I had weeks were I couldn't remember much. I don't have any friends as I cant spcialise face to face and I cant leave the house at the moment. Its getting that bad I haven't spoken to another adult apart from my boyfriend for years.

Id love to just chat with someone about normal stuff or about our problems whichever just to chat to another adult.
lilyrose31977 lilyrose31977
31-35, F
2 Responses Jan 11, 2013

I was told that drinking or using sort of freezes your personality at the place where it was when you started.
I strongly suggest either AA or a good therapist...maybe both.

You have a really good point there about alcohol freezing your personality. I am definitely going to look that up because it makes sense for my situation, Thanks xx

Sounds familiar. Was there anything that you would say "triggered" this down hill decline? Why can't you leave the house?

I don't know what it is about going outside - I am better when its dark but I just cant physically get past the living room door sometimes and I don't know what stops or why its happening but I am just so panicked and I have a feeling of dread. My partner of 13 years left me in Aug last year and that's the first time I have had to handle something hard without drinking and it sort of went downhill from there. I just feel like I am losing it sometimes.