He Used To Say It Was My Fault

My dad and i have always had a strained relationship.He has always been an alcoholic and i decided to think he was perfect for a long time. When i was four i was molested (it happened way more but my parents only knew about the one) and he used to keep me up till 3am (at least) and tell me that no man will ever love me like that. He was to be the only man in my life and that he loved me more than anyone every has or ever will.If i got tired he would make me stand up and listen to what he had to say. I remember very few whippings when i was young. Both of my parents babied me because of what happened to me. My mom babied me until about last year when i had a baby. My dad on the other hand stopped babying me when i got a mind of my own.

When i was a kid i wanted nothing more than to be a cheerleader. They were just perfect to me, and always happy. I wanted to be JUST like them. My dream came true in the 6th grade when i signed up for a little league squad. My father was not happy with the outfits, the dances, or the songs. Right before we left for our first game, he started screaming at me telling me i was not gonna ***** around in front of all the dads and shake my a** for those pervs. Naturally i protested. He started hitting me and i fell to the ground. On my back he dragged me down the hallway smacking my legs the whole way. I got away from him andtried to lock myself in the closet. Which pissed him off even more, he broke down the door and grabbed my leggs and drug me back down the hall giving me rug burns all over my back. Finally his girlfriend at the time (my little sister's mother) pulled him off me. He had beaten her too so she was afraid to intervine i guess. I wore my sweat pants and long sleve shirt to hide the bruises and rug burns to the game. When we got there the coach said "why aren't you dressed? go get dressed the game is about to start" i looked at her and then at my dad and he said "well honey, aren't you gonna go change?" i shook my head no and he laughed a little and said "she's shy, i think i'll just keep her with me today" I dropped out (******* my mother off due to all the money she spent) I never told my mom the reason i quit...i just quit

When i was 16 my little brother and i went to Illinoise to spend christmas break with him. The first day we got there he asked me what day we had to be home...it was one day earlier than he originaly thought. He began cussing me out. I told him that he wasn't gonna talk to me like a dog and when he wants to be respectful then we can try to have the conversation again. He stood up and chased me into my grandmother's kitchen. I laid on the bench and he headbutted me and said "don't you ever talk to me like that agian cause if you do we're gonna have problems" then he raised his hand to smack me and i leaned back and kicked him away from me. He came flying over pulling me 1/2 way off the bench and smacking my legs working his way up my body to my head. My little brother (who was only 14) came in and pulled him off me. I got up and ran into the hallway. My father chased me and headbutted me again and was screaming in my face. Frusterated i leaned my head back against the wall but it bounced a little. He says "you do that again, i'm gonna help you do it" being the smart *** i sometimes am, i did it again. He threw me on the ground and grabbed my hood on my sweater and started choking me with my own clothing. My brother again pulled him off me. My father then kicked me in my ribs to get me into my aunt's bedroom. As i laid on the floor crying he decided to go get the phone. He called my mother (who was 6hrs away) he then proceeded to laugh in my face and told my mother that i was a drama queen. I screamed to my mother to help and he lauged and threw the phone at me hitting me in the face. I picked up the phone and pleaded to my mother "mom please, please make him stop! please make him quit hitting me" my mother frantic on the other line "who's hitting you? George?" to which i replied yes. He lauged at me again and ripped the phone out of my hands. And walked out of the room to talk to her. I continued to curl up in the corner and just cried. My little brother did everything he could to calm me down but i just couldn't. I felt ashamed that my little brother (someone who i was supposed to protect, someone who was just a kid) had to man up and take care of me. My dad (still laughing at me) comes back in the room and says "hey, Jacob, go over there and get that camera...i want your sister to remember how big of a baby she is" My little brother got him to leave the room and closed the door. He picked me up off the ground and helped me to the bed and said, just as calm as he could "Sam, i need you to calm down. I know that's hard, but if he hits you again i am going to go to jail for killing him" I sucked it up and went to my aunt's house until my mom came to get me a few days later. He broke multiple blood vessles in my eyes and face and i had bruises on my ribs. My school called CPS, but they never did anything because it happened out of state.

That's not all but if i told everything, i'd be on here for an hour. My father and i actually have a decent relationship now. When I was pregnant i called him and told him. He had quit drinking for two years. He apologized for everthing he did. And it doesn't make it ok, but the only thing i've ever wanted was a relationship with him.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 13, 2013