Violent History

My whole life as I can remember was full of violence wether it was domestic or at home. My mother was highly abusive throughout my early childhood years and so was a handful of her boyfriends. I can remember in the second grade my mother had a friend whose boyfriend used to abuse her son whenever she was at work. And he used to make me watch and also participate in the beatings.

My mother had a serious temper and would beat me for anything that I did. Wether it was getting in trouble in school to not knowing how to do my math homework. My mother had a boyfriend that went by the name of Bryan. Bryan used to beat me with a belt that was wider than my waist at the age of six years old. I remember being dragged to the bedroom to be beaten for hours. I would be left laying in the bed with huge red marks all over my legs and back.
I remember my mother joining the army when I was in first grade and I was sent to live with my aunt daphne. My aunt daphne was married to a man by the name of Mark at the time who was highly abusive towards me. Mark was at least 6 foot five inches tall weighing at least 300 lbs. Not kidding. Mark would punch me, slap me in the head, and/or take off his belt whenever he felt the urge.

At the age of fifteen I was incarcerated for armed robbery and sentenced to one full year in juvenile prison. When I was there I fought at least twice a week against guys who were older than me or at least bigger. While in jail I began doing push-ups every night before going to bed that would measure up to hundreds. Upon being released from jail I got into heavy weight lifting and also plan on competing in bodybuilding contests.
I'm twenty years old now and my gf just dumped me because of the physical and verbal abuse I inflicted on her. I feel highly depressed at times thinking about how crazy my life was and all the abuse I had to endure. I didn't mention any of the sexual abuse I went through from an older cousin at the age of nine years old.
I guess all of these things will make me a stronger person.
bullheaded11 bullheaded11
18-21, M
3 Responses Jan 14, 2013

Hey bullheaded you are brave and strong telling and sharing your story,have you been to any support groups that you can talk and get support about your past?I was abused aswell when i was younger but wasnt aware of it until jst last year because i was adopted at 8yrs old and i got my birth certificate and social work papers jst last year.I have been going to victim support groups they try there best to help,listen and give advice on other ways that you can seek help.I am also going to see a pschologist soon dont know if you have tried ant counselling?Theres a book out aswell called it by David Pelzer about how he survived child abuse and what he went through and how brave he was and how mutch courage he had to survive anyway hope you get through what you have experienced in your past some point in your life and take care.madonnafan.

You really ought to talk to a counselor about what happened to you.
I don't imagine you intended to verbally abuse and hit your girlfriend, but that's what you grew up around, so you do it, because that's what the adults around you did.
You sort of have to reprogram yourself to become a better person.

If nothing else get an anger management workbook.

They will make you a better person. You are a better person. I know what it's like to go through all this at such a young age and just feeling alone and sad and taking your anger out on others sometimes, we can't help it. But we do need to learn from it. And as for what you did to your girlfriend don't be so down about it, apologize and learn from it. Focus on you and bettering your self. Stay strong. Xx

Hearing those words just made me feel real good. I'm hanging in there and taking everyday one day at a time. Thanks.

You're welcome. And that's all we really can do, take it one step at a time. And from what I can see you are making progress. Xx