They Kept Me Down For Soo Long But Not Anymore!

My story isn't as bad as other people's stories. It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I realized what happened to me was child abuse. I knew when I was young I was molested by my uncle(my fathers brother) and I held it in for over 10 years until he tried to make contact with me after my oldest daughter was born. I told him I want nothing to do with him and he will NEVER meet my daughter. His daughter asked me how I can accuse him of something so horrible and I told her everything. My family (his brothers and sisters) started ganging up on me, telling me I should be saying stuff like that. I simply told them, "She asked a question so I told her." Needless to say I don't talk to them anymore. When I was pregnant with my youngest daughter I found out that he had molested quite a few of my cousins. I remember telling my mother what happened and she did nothing about it. Growing up I was the youngest of four girls. I remember always getting hit for the littlest things. If I didn't clean the pan right I got hit for it. I was getting hit all the way through high school. I didn't say anything because I thought I deserved it for messing up. I would go to school with bruises on the back of my legs from a cable my mother used to hit me with for making something for lunch that was for dinner ( i didnt know it was for dinner). Even after I joined the military the abuse didnt stop. She would verbally and emotionally abuse me. My 3 older sisters could do no wrong in her eyes. Not once did I lay a hand on her when she would hit me until I just couldnt take it anymore I had pushed her off of me and she kicked me out of the house. I was 13 years old. My sister right above me had choked and tried to push me mom down the stairs and she didnt get kicked out of the house. She was 21 years old. After I had my oldest daughter, my mother would tell me I was fat and I should lose weight. After I had my second child she told me I was now the fattest of all her kids. I did some things in my past that were not good but I have changed since then. I joined the military, got married and had 2 daughters, went back to school. I am still in school going for my associates in medical assisting. I've been all over the place as where they (my mother and sisters) never left home. They couldnt see that I have changed and were constantly holding it against me and told me that they didnt want me in their lives anymore and that my husband and kids would be better off without me. My own mother called me a ******* ****. They kept yelling at me over and over again over the phone and I just couldnt take it anymore. I went into my and took a handful of pain meds, in front of my husband and kids. After I went and laid down in my bedroom. My husband called 911 and I was rushed to the hospital. I told my mother that if all went as planned no one will have to deal with me anymore since I was such a big problem for everyone. So she and my sisters knew I was suicidal and they still pushed me. The hospital admitted me to the mental institute and I missed my daughters first Halloween. I should have been the happiest person since just 3 weeks prior I under went a life threatening operation. I had a renal artery aneurysm that could have ruptured at any time and kill me. I couldnt be happy because I was constantly being put down by them. My sister above me was told she had breast cancer and I cried for 2 days thinking I was going to lose my sister, even though we hadnt talked in 2 years. The same sister miscarried and I cried because I knew she wanted a baby so bad. But when it came to my surgery there was no concern. From any of them. My mother forgot all about the surgery until my husband called her at work to tell her I made it through surgery and was in recovery. I know hate is such a strong word but I hate them so much. My mother in law was on deaths door a couple months ago and I prayed that God take my mother instead of her. I was told I would regret that but I just said, "If a mother can drive her own child to want to kill herself, knowing she has babies, then she doesn't deserve to be here." I was put into therapy and was told to cut all ties with them. I have and it has been 3 month since I have talked to my mother. She didnt call on my daughters first birthday or on christmas. I want to just contact her so much but I know everything will start up again I dont want my kids to go back to having a mother who cried all the time. Sorry it was soo long but I needed to get this off my chest.
survivor228 survivor228
Jan 29, 2013