I Don'T Know If This Makes Sense. Part 2.

Growing up I was not only abused at home. But I was abused at school. I've been bullied in school since I started kindergarten. And it didn't end until I was in 7th grade. People would shove me down the stairs. Make a mockery of me in front of the whole class. Shove me into walls, lockers. Throw wet tissues at me while I was trying to use the bathroom. Turn off the lights on my in the bathroom and even lock me in there. I was never safe. Not home, not school, not anywhere.

My parents never let me go anywhere. I wasn't allowed to have friends. I wasn't allowed to see friends, or have friends over. I didn't have friends anyway, but in case I did.

The people I met growing up all used me. No one was ever my real friend. They all took advantage of me because it was easy to. I was always alone, so I just wanted someone to talk to. This one time, I made this one "friend" I gave her my number because I though it was make me seem cool. She called my house and my parents picked up. I told her I couldn't talk to her and after I hung up, my dad beat me up.

There was this one time I was walking down the stairs at school, and this girl shoved me. I got into trouble and the teacher yelled at me because she thought I was being mean to the other students.

None of my teachers were ever there for me. When my bullies would do something, they would tell on me, make it seem like it was my fault and then I would get into trouble. It wasn't nice. From the time I was in second grade, I would skip class. I would go hide in the staircases by myself because I didn't want to go to class. Sometimes I would go hide in the closets at school so no one would see me. I didn't like school. Because people treated me so bad. But I liked it more than home because I wasn't getting beat.

All of this, everything that has happened. I know it made me who I am today. But sometimes, I cry. I cry and I ask why couldn't I have had a better life? Why did I have to get treated so badly? I had no one. Even when I was home and I wasn't getting beat, my parents would send me into the kitchen to sit there and read all by myself. The rest of my family would be in the living room watching tv and having fun. This one time, I was so lonely I went to go peak into the living room. I sat on the floor next to door and looked at everyone having fun. At that moment I realized I didn't have a family. I didn't have friends. I didn't have no one. And I cried. I cried and cried, by myself and no one didn't even care to check on me to see what I was doing.
dinosaursockpuppet dinosaursockpuppet
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 29, 2013

I know we are talking already but I just wanted to say that I read this again and it made me pretty upset. Not your fault, of course!

How did you turn out such a cool person when you went through all that? You must be way stronger than you think.

I agree!

Growing up, I used to tell myself that if people are treating me bad, then it's maybe because I deserve it. So I would take it. And when I was young, I didn't let it affect me. But now that I'm older, it affects me a lot because I took all those problems and I hid them. I don't know if that's because I have strength or if I didn't want to deal with it :/

You can find strength now. Believe in yourself. The past is the past. Don't believe anything said to you in it. You are a better person as you didn't deserve any of it. It wasn't your fault.

And I am trying :) but it's tough doing it on my own. I really do not have much people in my life. I honestly just have my sister and a friend that lives a little way from me. But because of this and the first part of the story, it made so different and people don't understand how I am. So I don't reach out to others much. But I am trying.

It's okay. One step at a time and you'll be fine. Slow steady steps. :)

Okay :p but it will take a bit longer since I'm doing it alone :o

I'm sure you'll find someone.

I sure hope so :) thank you!

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