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Why Do I Feel This.

I wrote a previous story about what happened with my cousins but to put that story short they liked to spank me a lot mainly with a hairbrush but now that I am older and the memories are coming up I am starting to feel a curiosity about that stuff as a sexually fetish. I am not sexually active and have no desire to be until I'm married but this just feels weird. I have been reading other stories about that stuff. Is this weird for me to feel curious about this. I think the dominant submissive thing is wrong but, I'm still kind of wondering.
As i continue to sort through my past I have more and more curiosity. please help.
lauwer1000 lauwer1000 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 8, 2013

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I think it is difficult to explain, but you are definitely not the only one. My abusers were both female and used to touch me and egg me on to touch them and in my adolescence til now, I have grown to have an infatuation with the female anatomy. It was much more intense when I was younger but has subsided now. Perhaps it's an innate desire to experience those things on mutual terms - where you both consent to what is happening. (I'm a virgin too by the way, and intend upon waiting until marriage). I hope this helps, and if necessary, that you receive the help you need. God bless. x

Thanks. I was starting to think I was some sort of freak. I have never told what I have been feeling to anyone else before. For some reason it's easier to take to people when you don't actually see them. it's especially nice on a website like this because there will be no judgement. Thanks again.

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
Galatians 6:2

Yeah, I was exactly the same when I first uploaded my story. I am so glad I did though, as for many users it is the first major step to confronting the issues that have stemmed from those experiences, and goes to show that we are never truly alone. Thank you for sharing your story with us. :)