Honor Of Hosting The Family Christmas

I have the honor of hosting the family Christmas which some might say was great. Bad thing is I cannot stand my family and now instead of seeing them for one lunch and getting to disappear, I will see them for a few days.

I cannot stand being around them. It makes me angry and scared. It makes me nervous and scared. I hate the way they smell, dress like slobs and act like pigs.  I hate them so much. 

Yet I must play happy family for a few days and let them in my home aka special space and act like the perfect daughter.  I don't know I can survive this without at least a few cutting sessions at least. 

I am also nervous a friend might betray that he knows I was abused in some subtle way my parents will pick up. If that happens I will be dead. The punishment for telling is death.  

I don't know if I can do this Christmas even if it a few days only...
drakneko drakneko
26-30, T
2 Responses Jun 30, 2013

That's tough. But maybe it's better if the cat is out of the bag ...

It's hard. I had the same feelings about family (minus the cutting). But truly, I don't know how I survived. Slowly I pulled away from them and just don't talk or see them anymore. It's better cause less stress and they didn't really care for me anyways. Hard pulling away but absolutely necessary. You get clearer focus away from them

Well I have distanced myself, I have moved to another state and another city. I usually avoid talking about non money or trivial things. I don't think I could ever live with them again to be honest. Not hard for me to pull away really.
But I'm lucky to be able to do what I have.