She's Back... Help!

My mother was my abuser. She made my life hell for 16 years! 3 years ago I broke all ties with her, I moved out and have hardly seen her since. She hasn't made any contact with me and my family (I live with my sister) and within the last week, she's contacted us. She really resents me more than my sister and still goes out of her way to get a stab at me. My sister always lets her back in tho... She's coming to the house tomorrow and I don't know what to do. I have made plans so I won't be here tomorrow but I don't want to be run out of my own home every time she comes over. How do I deal with her??

babesface babesface
22-25, F
6 Responses Mar 2, 2009

If your sister does not make your opinions count in the house I strongly suggest you move out as soon as possible. You can´t continue to allow that woman to run your house. You are an independant woman now and do not need to put up with bull**** anymore. No means no, you don´t want to see that woman, don´t! Can you stay over at your boyfriends tonight? If so do it BUT THIS IS THE LAST TIME! Tomorrow tell your sister you are moving out because she doesn´t respect your opinions, look for someplace inexpensive and move out!<br />
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Oh my GOD... Prayer will help you... That's life.... FULL of challenges but don't give up... There is no abuser if all of us fight them... Have you read the story "Thank God I Was Abused"? It's a great story... I don't know if it is ok to post a link here so try to search in google search engine and read it... Or search the Thank God For Ebooks

I can definately understand why you wouldnt want anything to do with her. Does your sister really "hear' you when your telling her how you feel? Know you cant change how your sister feels, respect her feelings/ask her to respect yours. If she is going to continue to allow your mom into her home despite how you feel, Id suggest moving out and in with friend or boyfriend. I respect what you said about trying to protect your boyfriend. It shows how much you care about HIM. If you are afraid for him, I'd either insist that your sis not allow her over, or unfortunately, lock myself in my room. Im sorry to here this is what your going through. I truly hope you find peace and a solution. Please dont allow your mom to come between you and your sister no matter what you decide to do. Be strong and be SAFE.

I understand what you are both saying, but I don't want anything to do with her at all; it's my sister! I live with her and she has let my mam back in again. I was out of the house for hours yesterday to avoid seeing her. I'm actually really sick today and I think she's coming up again tonight so I can't leave. My boyfriend said he'll come up in case anything happens but I don't want him to be next. Every man she ever meets, my sister's husband and my father included "abuses" her and they never lay a finger on her! I don't want him to be her next "abuser"... he's too good a person to have a label like that on him. I want to be able to even just pass myself with her, just say hello and leave it at that. But after everything she's done to me, I can't stomach her! Especially when I'm pukey anyway!! :)

I could not agree more with the comment above me, I am the survior of the same. It is hard, you have your own voice, and your are strong. You need to stand strong on what you want and believe in. Do not give into tempation to smooth over things..the cycle will continue, and you will never move on and heal, as well as live for yourself.

I dealt with very similiar issues as you are going through. I was adopted at age 6 and ran away more times than I can count due to severe abuse. Finally at 17 on my b-day I left for the laast time. It was 10 years that we spoke at all and one day she contacted me(grandma and I stayed in touch). That lasted 3 months until she crossed some extremely valuable lines. We didnt speak again for years. Last time I initiated the contact. My biggest mistake. But I thought maybe because I was older now things would be differant. They were. She was worse. More controlling than ever and demanding and putiing down everything I did/knocking every choice I made. It got to the point where it began to affect my parenting with my own children as well as their safety. She is emotionally unbalanced: always has been. When false reports came into dept of social services(thanks mom) and I knew it was her, thanks to another relative and some basic common sense and putting two and two 2gether, I broke the silence I held back all these years. I told her exactly what I thought and felt about her and that she was NEVER to contact me again. I realized, almost too late, the damages she was causing me and though I felt obligated to love her, she was a sick woman who has destroyed so many lives. You are going to have to stand up to her and let her know where you stand. Don't run away because this problem isnt resolving itself. She needs to admit the abuse(which she may never do), ask for your forgiveness and learn to accept you and your choices as you are an adult. If she cant do this, set your boundaries and allow NOONE to step over them. Explain to her what they are: ex: mom, I want you to meet my sister someplace other than here. I want you to call first and not come over uninvited. Also, sit your sister down and tell her how you feel when mom is around. Take control: DONT ALLOW YOUR MOM TO CONTROL YOU! BREAK THE CYCLE! Be strong hon, and if you need support, you have mine. All you have to do is reach out. Best of luck! I hope this helps.