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My Parents

I have never received a hug or kiss from my parents. If I have I don't remember it. I've never gotten a birthday present or blown out candles. I didn't know kids got all this until I made real friends in 5th grade. I didn't understand. My friends don't understand how I could get so happy about $20 as a birthday present - the first presents I received were when I was 16 and hung with my friends at the mall. The first hug I had from a male father figure was from my 8th grade art teacher when I was graduating. My first mother figure hug may have been from my teachers. I thought everyone had it like me.

Sometimes I hate my parents. It's not just the above. It's because my father beat me up, sent me to the hospital, made me lie about it, and then pretended everything was back to normal. It's because my own mother never stood up for me. She actually told me I deserved it for making them angry. All I wanted was a job. I wanted to be a regular kid. I've never been a regular kid. I've never played sports. I've never driven. I've never had a job. I was sick and tired of moving over and over again because my father wanted to further his career. I've never lived in a place more than 3 years. I've never lived in a house. I understood it for so many years. Parents are always right.

But it's not right to make me bleed.

It happened 5 months ago. It's June and I'm not back in California yet. I bet he thinks he can get away with it, that I'm too brow beaten to tell anyone. When I step foot off that plane I'm going to the nearest cop. And if I can't get help, I'll run.

I don't understand my parents. Why would I deserve to be blamed for what they do wrong? Why would I deserve something like that?  I can't stand raised voices now. I can't look at myself in the mirror without feeling sick. I can't stand being in the presence of my parents. I hate them. I hate myself for hating them, my own parents.

I don't know what real parents are supposed to do. I don't know what to do.

But I wish I did. I want real parental figures so badly.

atraptbird atraptbird 16-17, F 33 Responses Jun 28, 2009

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I know how you feel. please tell me what you are going to do now.

Dear Friend,
The parents that we get on earth are just temporary, they are not our parents. God alone is your true father and your mother. God gave us parents to take care of us, but unfortunately some do not do as the way it has to be, because they themselves did not received any love. Friend the true love comes from God alone, ask Him, don't worry about your future. God will be your guide. Jesus died for all of you so that we could be saved from all guilt and sin. I was also affected, but slowly God is teaching me to honour them even though they are wrong and bad, God teaches me to forgive them and God himself heals me with His love so that all the wounds that i had suffered are being healed through His love. God alone is your father, don't worry you have a good father. He says " He will never leave His children and will never forsake them". May God Bless You.

If u think this is heartbreaking u should read a child called it.

Dear Atraptbird,You reality is that you may never get that from your parents for yourself. People are who they are and they do what they do, but they don't control your future when you are no longer under their roof. I suffered both phsycial (non sexual) abuse and witnessed it on my siblings from my father as well the whole time we grew up. His approach was to being angry was always to physically hurt and cause physical pain when someone did something or said something he did not like. That switch he has from being ok to harming his kids and others was very fast. I lived my childhood with the mantra of if you were quiet you didn't get hurt. For me it worked most of the time. My siblings weren't always so lucky. As an adult, the abuse we suffered is not in my house. My kids get hugged and told they are loved every day. I may have a short fuse and yell on occassion, but i have learned to back off when I feel like that because I don't want their memories to be like mine. My father blew his only chance to know his grandchildren about a month ago. He is 78 going on 79 next month, he now has mobility issues due to post polio symptoms from when he had polio as a child. My daughter is 9 and my son is 4. He hadn't seen them in a while and we went over for dinner. I was doing the dishes and I heard him tell me son to "stop it". It was only 2 little words, but it was in that tone I know far too well. I brought them into the kitchen to finish the dishes. We left directly after that. By the time I got them home, that tone had brought back way too many memories and feelings that I had not dealt with in a very long time (I'm 44 now). For me, knowing that if he had been more mobile and my son had been anwhere near him, I cannot guarantee that the monster he was when I was a child would not have come out on my son. Thatf was a dealbreaker. I will help with any funeral arrangements when he finally passes away, but I will never let my kids be anywhere near him ever again. The cycle of abuse from that men ends with me.From this long story, what I am telling you is true (well for me anyway). As soon as you can, get out of your parents home. Finish your schooling (that part is for your future). Get plenty of councelling and go to plenty of support group meetings so you don't feel alone, because you're not. Give yourself and your future children the love and protection you may not have had as a child, but it does not have to dictate your future.Sincerely,Laura Bachner

There never was real love shown to me and never craved for one from them either. I am so glad that I at least had a loving grandma who cared, loved and taught me good things in life.

I was the same as you not one kiss or cuddle from either of them, only constant smacks and punches, because I was doing something that was beyond me, I just couldnt stop wetting the bed, no to put that in its proper slot I wet my nappies and rubber pants every night and some nights the urine leaked onto the bed, that is why I was beaten, because they didnt have time to look after me properly, I was sent to hospital for some painfull tests on my bladder and kidneys, I was in there for three weeks, and they never come to see me, I was diagnosed with Nocturnal Enuresis, and they were supplied with Terry nappies and plastic pants and bed pads and I can remember a large pink rubber sheet, which become my blanket after they had hit me.
I was sent to my grandparents house in Scotland for protection from my own parents, I still sit and cry 63 years later, they only wanted me when I was old enough to earn a living, so I know how you feel, but my own children and grandchildren have never suffered violence for something that wasnt there fault, we have always been there for them even now that they are 44 and 41 years old, so chin up and search out all the people that love you and forget the past think now of the future.. I am always on EP for a chat if you would like that.

im goin there the same but im 11 n i never been outside i dont have friends and im home school

Wow that is so heart touching, I have a story as well if u would want to hear it.

Atrapbird, I noticed that this story was written in 2009. I hope you will give us a follow up. I also noticed that over 3.500 people have read this story and I'm sure all would want to know what has happened in your life since you wrote this. I hope your live has improved. I hope you have been able to find help from professionals and also with trusted family members. You have had a terrible life and deserve much more. Some parents should never have children and yours certainly seem to be in that category. I wish you well.

I want to say that I understand, I am so sorry. Many years ago I was in a similar place mine was a mental and verbal abuse from my father, what your parents are doing is NOT RIGHT it is not your fault, do not ever let yourself believe that, don't let it destroy you.<br />
Find someone, let someone know what is going on because it follows you, the abuse I don't remember a whole lot of hugs,kisses, or I love you's when I was young just every.....horrible name that I was called that beat me down and made me hide within myself, I stopped feeling emotions, I got into a relationship that was abusive, and then I met someone who showed me different that it is ok to feel,to cry, to laugh, to trust. I found my soulmate who gave "life" because I had felt "dead" I love my parents, parents aren't perfect, but it doesn't give ANYONE the right to hurt you. Please find a teacher, a police officer, someone who will listen and get your parents help for their problem, because they do have a problem they are abusive and you don't deserve that.

You put that into words very well, something I struggle to do about my own abusive parents.

Dear angel what you had to go through in such young age is truely very unhealthy and damaging for any child. But you can look at it from a different angle. If you didnt go through what you been throuh then you wouldn't be who you are today. Good or bad, our experiences and the people we meet ( good or bad) through life, shape us. Can you imagine a life with no lessons learned? Remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and always take from that strength. It is your pot of gold, untouchable by anyone else. Your hard earned badge...where it with pride girl ;) Talk to me on face book if you like. Love sophia quzi &lt;3&lt;3&lt;3

Get out as soon as you can- at 18 pack everything that is yours and talk to one of those kind teachers- or even sooner if you are un safe- They are mandatory reporters- they have to take you somewhere safe. I wish I left at 18- Now I am 50 and mentally ill from abuse- please go

Next time he raises a hand on you, call Police and if they ever take you to foster house, it will be for the better. You deserve to feel better than that, and your dad is sick for making you bleed and your mother is very passive and she may have a low self esteem, that's why she cant stick to your side, she is scared that your dad may leave her or maybe she doesn't know what's right anymore but at least she doesn't care about you.<br />
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And they never hugged or kissed you!! WHY???? the more you stay with that dysfunctional sick family, the lower your self esteem will be and living the rest of your life with low self estem will cause you MISERY. Later in life, you will never be able to stand up for yourself, and you will have failed love relationships, so the cost of losing your family now is much less than what they will make you pay later in life.<br />
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Please do yourself a favor and report him, I am 26 years, very "behaved" and my dad never hit me before, which means that your dad is not behaving you, he is slowly killing your spirit and destroying you! beside you are 16-17 yrs old FEMALE, he can't treat you that way!<br />
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The first step is to make it stop and not putting up with that treatment, report him and stay away from your family, they are not worth living with and you are worth better.

For them to treat you so badly is a sign that they cannot merit you staying with them.<br />
However, you also don't want to end up being abused by others as a runaway.<br />
You can go to the police, and you also may be able to search online for a child-advocacy group near you -- perhaps even a place that will take in children that are suffering from abuse at home.<br />
You might also seek out a very large church that is known for having people that truly care, and ask them if they can somehow help you because you want out of your horrible situation before you possibly get killed. If they can't help you, they may know who can.

I walk in a dark life. I cannot feel love the way others do. I am angry most of the time. Mostly hidden anger. I self abuse: **********, smoke pot, drink DAILY to sleep, I use women for sex and care almost nothing for their feelings afterward, I drive myself to unattainable goals- Failure assured.<br />
I am on my own since seventeen. I am my own savior. Some adults have given me some tools to live...just basics. I am kind to all animals and abused people. I have seen bullets in a revolver pointed at me during a robbery by a neighbor, I have destroyed abusers' possessions, I have great violent reflexes when startled - I have been suspended from work when a Big Boss crept up behind me to observe the work I was performing on a large machine. Unaware of his presence, I was startled and slammed him in the chest so hard he had bruised ribs and was knocked down.<br />
Later, I had to confess to the abuse I suffered. That was the only thing which saved me: their compassion and understanding. Two years of therapy and I can accept but no forgive.<br />
Read Emotional Intelligence by Goleman. It helped me...

I am 60, and the pain of my childhood still haunts me. Child, you are at a very vulnerable place in your life. If you go to New York, they have a place called Coventry House where they take in every teen, and if you are above being a teen, they can steer you. They have programs to learn to live on your own in a SAFE enverionment where you will be with others who have also suffered.<br />
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You DO NOT deserve these actions of your parents. I have never figured out why I was sexually abused, but my adopted dad was also adopted from an orphanage and I only think maybe something happened to him there. <br />
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Giving birth does not make you a loving parent, and my heart goes out to you. PLEASE don't get pulled in my a nice "man," who could lure you into prostitution. It happens a lot. My prayers will be with you. <br />
Here is a hug from a Grandma...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I would go to a school social worker and tell your story. Based on emotional abuse and neglect and also the physical abuse , ask to be placed on foster care.... and not a group teen home. If this doesn't work, go to the police and request the same thing. Sometimes if a teen gets to know their friends' families they can live with them, if all are willing. Tell them you need a nurturing home. Therapy would help sort it all out in your head also. Your parents are highly dysfunctional.

I've always had a fantasy that maybe I had another father or that maybe my mom wasn't really my mom, like I was switched at birth. It makes me so sad that the little girl in me will never have that person who truthfully would do anything for them. I don't think I had that parent. I'm so angry that I got jipped! Why couldn't I have a normal life?<br />
<br />
I would love to have a mom and dad who wanted me as much as I wanted them. I'll always feel like a part of me is missing and I have a hole to fill up.<br />
<br />
Irene

Yes, we care! We have been there. Please do get help.

Speaking out is moving in the right direction, don't let fear paralize you.

its okay 2 dislike ur parents bt dnt hate them bcuz the only thing they were sapose 2 do is give yew life nd wateva happend happends iight

You call yourself a survivor and so you must think. Ask yourself what do survivor's do?<br />
Don't hang to the memories they are the biggest danger

Of course you deserve loving caring parents, You have every right to hate them, someday it will turn to pity for them for not seeing the gift of YOU in their lives. Please talk to someone. go to a cop, please. So many people out there want a child like you to hug, love, give presents on birthdays, to admire and listen to, it is your right to have loving people in your life, you've done nothing wrong. go talk to someone now. please.

I am so sorry you went through this. You have to report this immediately. No child deserves to be treated this way. <br />
We are here for you and you are in my prayers.

Dont bother hating them, theyve made you such a strong person, keep in mind that when youre older youll be far more successful than they ever could be.

I was in an abusive situation as a child too. I was NOT my fault either. I urge you to seek help, NOW. If you can't take action now do not blame yourself, it takes time to build up the courage and when you are ready to stand up for yourself you will. You have all our prayers behind you. Do not fear the future. It is no longer in his control, believe me. Now that you've been here and shared your abuse stories, others are here supporting you and praying for you. You are a survivor. You know that wrongs have been done to you and you did not deserve any of them. You have been a victim. You did not have any way out, but you will find a way out. There are many many supportive people that care.

i understand please read my blog. i say where is lizzy borden when you need her? when i get mad.

I hope and pray that u will really view these comments as from actual people who care. I too, was once in your situation. It is very confusing to be hurt by someone whom you love, such as a parent. Please understand that even though your Father may go back to acting like nothing ever happened and everything is normal, it isn't! You may be to young to go out on your own, so are their friends or family you can turn to? My brothers would go to our grandmothers' during the summer months just to get away. I moved out as soon as I graduated from highschool. Any time things get heated try to stay away as much as you can and tell people you trust will help you. Although calling the police may seem like a good option sometimes when it comes to domestic violence situations such as this it can be hard to get your arrested. I know I've tried it. Basically, it's your word againts his, unless you have visible bruises and bodily injuries. My Dad would tell me go ahead call the cops but, you better watch it when I get out the next day. I wish you all the best and hope some of this helps.

Please make good on what you've said and go to the police as soon as you can, Trapt. And let us know what happens and if we can help you in any way. We all care and want you to be safe.