I Am Still Coping With My Childhood Abuse It Does Not Go Away
I have nightmares of what I was put through from the age of 8 up until I was 17 years old. The memories do not go away they stay with you for ever.
The first time that I was sexually abused by my very own uncle he told me not to tell anyone otherwise he would kill me as well as the people who I told. I became a very lonely and scared girl who did not know who to trust let alone who to turn to for help.
I have constant nightmares of what I was put through and it does not help that I know that each day it will not get any better for the pain that I was put through runs deep, very deep inside of me. I normally don't tell people what I was put through, let alone how much it has effected me.
I am a survivor of sexual abuse, yet I am constantly reminded of it each and every day that I am awake as I am too scared too go to sleep because the nightmares return and they do not stop.
Oh the pain of it all. It is a constant reminder of what I was put through. I had 6 of my family members sexually abuse me. I hardly talk to them and if I do there is no way that I can ask them why they did it as they really do not know themselves. It is a price that I pay each and every day that I live.
Most nights I lay awake because of the pain and suffering that I am still going through. It has been a thorn in my side for a very long time as well as a constant reminder of my pain, hurt, anger and suffering.
Not only am I dealing with what I have been through I am also helping my daughter deal with her sexual abuse from her natural father. I therefore ended up with a double whammy on both sides of the fence.
I never thought that my daughter would ever go through what I was put through for so many years that has destroyed my life completely. It goes to show that sexual abuse is really swept under the carpet and kept behind closed doors as no one in society really wants to know you if you have been sexually abused by someone.
When my step father sexually abused me and it came out in the open all my mother could say to me was that she knew that something was going on, no wonder a persons nerves are completely and totally shot to the point where they cannot focus on anything let alone concentrate on the things that they really love doing.
The way I see it at the moment and I really love the saying is that it is crap on my hard drive that is taking up too much room, it is time for me to sort it out and move on with my life. No more mrs nice woman as enough is enough.