I Was His Favourite

My step grandfather died five years ago from lung cancer and I am so grateful! He can't hurt me, and he can never touch my baby sister.

I feel awful writting this because, even though I know they will never see this, when I talk about him and what he did to me I feel like my parents are standing next to me angrily telling me to keep quiet. ......

 

It started with a kiss. We were at my grandparents house for Thanksgiving and everyone was upstairs. My dad told me to go sit with grandpa. He should be watching golf but when I get down there he's not. I sit in his grey chair and start flicking the channels. I heard someone behind and look up  and  see that its him. I smile and go to stand up to respectfully allow him to sit in his chair. He sits down on the coffee table beside the chair and tells me its okay just relax. Embarrassed I apologize for taking his place. He gives me a hug and tells me its okay. He looks at me in away that I have never seen him look at me before. I remember it feeling like that's how Daddy looks at my step mom. I get scared and don't feel comfortable. I tell him I should go help with supper. He puts his hands on my shoulders and tells me I'm his favourite grandchild. I'm shocked and say that's not fair you have like 20 grandkids. He says he knows, but i'm still his favourite. Grandpa reaches towards and pulls me in close. His eyes are closed and i'm terrified. He kisses my lips lightly and pulls me in tighter. I cry out when i feel something wet and slimmy trying to push through my lips. I'm eleven. I've never kissed a boy before. This is my first kiss. I squeeze my lips together tightly and feel him trying to push even harder. I don't want this gross thing to go into my mouth. I don't want this is to be my first kiss......

 

A few days later my step mom is cleaning my room and she finds a piece of paper that says he kissed me and told me not to tell anyone. She would not let me leave the room until I do. I confess what happens and she says that he's done the same thing to her and my step aunt. He probably just thinks you're cute.

 

Its summertime. Nothing has happened for months. Life is bliss. My step grandparents are over and I'm told to go tell my grandpa supppers ready. I downstairs and see him lying on the couch. I tell him suppers ready. He smiles and says there's my favourite grandkid. You've been avoiding me. He asks for hug. Reluctantly I go over to him. As he reaches up to hug him his hand slips down my shirt. i gasps and he says just lay your head on my chest its ok. He pushes my head close to his grotch. He strokes my boobs and plays with my nipples. I'm still eleven and I'm confused as to why when he pulls on them my nipples harden like they're cold. I tell my parents later what happened and I shouldn't have. My step mom smacks me and calls me liar. She then gives me tips on how to make a joke if he wants to touch me again.

 

I'm twelve. I'm alone in my room playing the keyboard and watching the sun bouncing off the leaves. Its a perfect summer day. I hear someone behind and turn to see him. Standing behind me. He says you're avoiding me. I tell him no I'm just playing. He comes up behind and rubs his hands on shoulders, neck, and starts to go towards my breast but jump up. I jump out of chair and comment on how I should be reading my lil sis a story. i promised her i say. I call her name out and start walking around the house. I get to the basement and realize she's not here. No ones here but me and him. They've left me alone with him again. I offer to put the tv on to the golf channel. I want to get away from him. He starts asking me to sit on his lap. i start commenting on how I'm too  heavy to sit to on him, he calls me silly. Everything my stepmom suggested doesn't work. He stands up and says all I wanted was hug. i turn my head and push my hairclip hard into his face. He tells that I'm being rather rude. I apologize and tell him I'm scared. He tells me there's no reason to be. He pulls me onto his lap. As his hand goes down my pants and he starts kissing my neck i look  out the window. MY stepmom and step grandma are looking in at us and smiling.

 

I'm thirteen. His lung caner has gotten worse. He hasn't touched me since the last time because my grandma or a nurse are always around him, comforting him, taking care of him. He doesn't deserve it. I've been brought over by my dad because Grandpa has been asking to see me. He's all swollen and looks plastic. He tells me to come to my child. i look up at my dad and he looks sad. He tells me its okay. I'm scared. I pee myself and I want to throw up. But, still he wants me to go to him. He gives me a hug and whispers softly in my ear he's sorry. My ears are ringing so loudly i can't help but yell back what are you sorry for grandpa? I want him to confess. He just repeats that he's sorry.

When I went to his funeral i felt like I was crying harder then anyone in that room. i didn't mean to but I sobbed loudly. They made me go up and pay my respects. he doesn't deserve my respects and I hope he's burning in hell. I don't forgive him and I never will. But at least he can't EVER touch my baby sister.

cisa cisa
22-25, F
Feb 10, 2010