So I do believe I left off with the first time my mother kicked me out of her house back in third grade. For the next seven years I would bounce back & forth between my mothers house & my fathers house there was even a time neither one of them wanted me so I went to live with my aunt. Kids at school would make fun of me calling me homeless. I would go to school not knowing where I was going to go to afterwards. There were sevearl times I broke down in the hallways crying because the stress of it all was simply too much.

Not only would I be bouncing in & out of my parents houses my father found himself a new wife. This women was crazy she looked like a smaller version of Mimi from that show The Drew Carey Show. She had a laugh that still haunts me to this day. They were only married for six months & she moved out. Well what do you know six months later she is moving back in. Honestly I dont remember if she was ever together with my father again or if she was just a roomate or something but she always had her own bedroom. I still dont understand what all of this was about she would move in then back out then in then out for a few years.

So after third grade fourth was a good year. The kids in class still werent mean exactly so everyone was kind of still friends. Fifth grade that started to change though. I remember once a girl pointing out my long dark arm hair & making fun of me, I didnt wear short sleeves again until I was 16 & started shaving my arms. Sixth grade I stared to dress like a boy & be a loner but I didnt want to be a loner it's just kind of how it happened.

Junior High for us was seventh & eighth grade. These two years were hell to say the least. I still dressed in baggy pants, big sweatshirts. I had one friend who didnt care what anybody thought & we hung out alot. We hung out so much I just about lived at her house of course my parents never exactly cared & my mother just didnt even notice. My friend lived in a basement in the ground that had no house on the top of it in the middle of the woods. Even though that is all she had it was more homey then eithe of my parents perfect houses. I was more content to live in the ground with cement walls, no windows, a bucket to pee in then to be stuck with any of my family.

I made out with this boy once in Jr High it was on halloween. I was then known as the **** in school for a long while. Kids would just call this out all the time or tell me to my face. Ironic because I'm sure there were sevearl other girls actually having sex I just made out with a boy who was popular for all the wrong reasons. Even he treated me like nothing after that just laughed along with everyone else. So I spent these two years sitting in the desk in the back of the room & only hanging out with that one friend.

High School freshmen year that was a whole new experience. I wasnt such a loner anymore & everyone kind of forgot about the **** thing & went their own seperate ways. I had more friends or so I thought they were my friends then. I was seeing a senior but our relationship was a secret. I didnt care though he seemed cool was head over heels for me & had a car & took me everywhere & anywhere I needed to go. I needed his car so I could get to & from school, my mother never bothered to drive me to school or anything so he was my only transportation. There was another senior who was head over heels for me but I wasnt interested in him as anything more then just a friend. Both of these boys were different the one I was seeing was a loner kept to himself mostly the other one was a druggie big time although I didnt know or realize it at the time.

There was one other boy who was a big part of my life at this time. He was a freshmen as well but he was my bestfriend. He was always there for me when I need a shouler to cry on, always listened, even spoke to me first every single day (most everyone else didnt come up to me I always went up to them but I didnt notice this at the time). This subject of this boy lets call him G is a painful one. He would have loved to date me but for whatever reason I needed him to be my bestfriend & that is what he remained as. We were so close all year long I stayed at his house a lot & his mom was so sweet. She was great coming to pick me up at any hour of the night when my mother kicked me out or was screaming at me. She would loan me her clothing feed me everything. She wasnt rich but none of that mattered. She treated me like I was hers & that felt good to be apart of all of that.

Summer rolled around & so didnt my birthday in July. The morning of my birthday (I didnt have anything planned which wasnt unusual for me, my mother always forgot about my birthday) I made a phone call to one girl. She told me that G's mom was dead, I didnt believe her she was a little crazy sometimes so I figured she just had her facts mixed up. I called another friend who was a very reliable source & another close friend of mine, she confirmed it G's mom was dead. I couldnt believe it all the breath inside of me was taken right out. I immediately called up G & as soon as he answered the phone I knew that things were never going to be the same. I spent my entire life trying to find that comfort of a family & I had finally found it & all of a sudden it was gone. G was never the same person again which is understandable. G was to move in with his sister a few weeks after, she lived a few states away. We spent every single second together until he left.

At first after G left we kept in touch with a phone call here & a phone call there. He came to see me a couple of times but he quickly moved on in his new life & school. I spent the entire next year crying ever single day. I would curl up in the corners of the hallway at school crying. The pain was horrible I just wanted to have my family & friends back. I remember the first fight my mother had with me after G's mom had passed away I was backed up against the wall crying & I freaked out because I didnt know who to call. I had nobody to come save me from my mother who just yelled & yelled & yelled. I didnt know what to do where to go.

Well that is all I can manage for now. It hurts me greatly to think of all this. You know G was & still is the only person to have ever given me flowers in my entire life. It was one day at school he had gotten one of those jelly jars from the cafe & cleaned it out then went outside & picked some of the little white flowers & put them in the jar. He set them on my desk before I got to class. This may sound stupid but I still have that jar i a box in my closet. He dosent know this but he will always hold a very special place in my heart.

mel30248 mel30248
22-25, F
Mar 6, 2010