My Story

I as far back as I can remember was molested by family members, freinds of family and a neighbor. When i was between the ages of 8 and 9 my stepdad started having sex with me. First by touching then very quickly he started having sex with me on a regular basis. He would give me things or give me more money for my allowence. My mother was very abusive towards me she would call me names and beat me tell i had welts all over my body. She sent me away to live with my grandmother when i was 6 and then after that gave me to cps which in turn told me that she dint want me anymore. Later on she came and got me. She talked to me like i was an adult and told me things she shouldnt have told me i was a child. As i grew older she would talk with my aunt and try to get her to take me. I remember being so scared. When I was 18 i moved away from home living my life however i wanted knowing no bounds. I was very promiscuos and all i knew was to have sex so that is what i had did. After my second child i got introduced to drugs. And very quickly lost everything. I lived on the streets and became addicted to drugs and sex. I would say the drugs only furthered my addiction into sex. The sex i became involved in was very violent since i felt i needed to punish myself. I lived for sex because i dint feel ok without it. I dint feel normal unless I was having it and i went to any means to get it. When I found a 12 step program and became clean I worked very hard but realized that because of the abuse and that i needed to work on it I decided to sign the papers to give them up for adoption. I got clean again and know have over 4 years 5 months. I decided do to some events to check out what happened to my stepdad since i had gotten a letter from them when i was 18 or 19 saying they were going to sue me if he lost his job in the school district he works. For years i never did anything hoping that id one day able to have a relationship with my mother and my sisters and was to scared. I found out that the letter was a lie. So that day i went and pressed charges against him. I got a letter from the DA even though they beleive the abuse happened they have to prove without a shadow of doubt that he did do it so they are going to pursue it but that i can file a civil case. I have felt somewhat free in going and making that police report. But I am in so much pain and no money to file a civil case against mystepdad. So I am looking for a lawyer who will do pro bono to take this further and at this moment I am stuck.
31-35, F
11 Responses Nov 2, 2006

Alostchild- I am so sorry that you had to go through this, but I am proud of you that you recognized your own struggles and you reached out for help with your drug problem. I am a lawyer that specifically works to bring justice to those children who have survived childhood sexual abuse. Laws for reporting childhood sexual abuse differ in many states, although I am in Washington, I may be able to offer you some advice or guidance on how to move further with your case. We also have many different resources on our website that may be able to help you. Here is the link to our website if you want to have a look around or feel as if you want some guidance. I hope the rest of your journey to happiness goes as smoothly as possible, this is by no means an easy thing to do, many never do anything about it. So for that, you have already proven to yourself that you are a strong woman.

You have been through the worst. You went through so much that damaged your life not only as a child but adult also. I am so proud that you got help and accomplished your addiction, that is not easy at.all. I support what you are doing and understand that money can be hard to come by. There are lawyers that are willing to help that require no money. Speak with your legal aide office where you live and I assure you that you will find what your looking for. Be strong. You can do this. People everywhere believe in you and no you will get the justice you need.

Alostchild-i m really sorry dear but I dint get u wat help do u want..m not a lawyer nor do I have any idea about tell clerly what help do u want I mean in which matter..

Excellent sharing lostchild. I hope you get your day in court.

Thank you so much for having the courage to write about your experience. I am in the very early stages of dealing with my childhood sexual abuse which I just discovered. Reading about your experience gives me strength.

First off... I commend you on being where you are today.<br />
I too am a victim of ****** sexual abuse. Luckily for me, actual intercourse wasn't performed, but of course all if awful to a poor innocent child. I won't elaborate on my story because this is about you, but I want you to know that you are doing/trying to do what is right. After not saying anything to anyone about what my uncle did to me for 11+ years, it finally came out when my younger sister came out with him doing it to her, and i came forward to back up my sister because my parents weren't sure to believe her because she would lie from time to time. We spent much time with prosecutors and dyfs and what not....and my uncles court date is June 2nd, and we believe he will be taking a plea bargain of 8 years in jail. He does need to pay for his crime that he committed for so many years, but I still struggle with the thought that I ruined someone's life. And then on the contrary i think that maybe I could have saved his daughter's life who is only 2.5 years old right now.<br />
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I wish you much luck and stay strong. Talk to people, someone willll help you. I believe it will all work out for you.

You'll find someone to help you. Have you tried talking to the state you live in and ask for a public defender?

you sounds like an amazingly strong person with a good head on her shoulders. i hope everything works out for you.

Dont ever give up on yourself EVER! You have come so far and as a victim of abuse myself I know what you are going through. I hope everything with the lawyer works out. <br />
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I would suggest writting to several lawyers in your area and trying to work some type of payment plan... Please let us know how your case is going. I know its difficult to live with but you've conquered so much and just know that you WON and the people that know you for you and the people that truly love you will be by your side always.

You have gone through hell and managed to survive, i'm a survivor too so i do not use that term lightly!! I dont even know you but i am so damn proud of you!! You are a TRUE testimony to the strength of the human spirit. I have no doubt that you will go on to do AMAZING things with your life!! So many people are so judgemenat with regards to prostitutes and drug addicts, but who the hell grows up in this world as a child dreaming one day of being EITHER!!

I'm happy that you decided to change yourself to a better person. I'm not a lawyer but good luck anyway.