I Am a Child Sexual Abuse Survivor
NOT Looking For Sympathy.. I Just Want All Victims 2 Know It Isn't Their Fault!
This is something that I have never written about before. I may not have the strength to even get through this story because I choose not to think about it often but I also must share it. I am not looking for your sympathy as I am past that point in my life but I am asking for your understanding if you are ever confronted by a person that is a victim of molestation and that no matter how uncertain you are that they are telling you the truth that you always take them seriously and suggest they get assistance immediately. The last thing a victim needs is to play 20 questions with the people they trust most. They are embarrassed, ashamed, and feel that what happened is all their fault so don’t make it worse by playing 20 questions with them. Get them help and listen to what they have to say to you. The health care workers, the law enforcement officials, and the courts will all make sure that there is enough evidence before an innocent person is convicted. So please let the professionals decide if the person is lying or not.
Some statistics that you may not be aware of:
- Approximately 25% of adult women and 5% of adult men have been sexually abused in their lifetime.
- 60% of those molested knew their molester. Incestuous acts are part of this but the majority was friends of the family. Only approximately 10% of those molested in 2007 were molested by strangers.
- Most abusers are male but approximately 14% of molesters are female.
- Female abusers tend to get lesser sentences for this crime however that has changed in the most recent years.
- The laws from state to state vary but if you are having sex with a child in any way and they are considered a minor you are subjecting yourself to potential prosecution. I will be right there if you live in my state to help every victim gain power over you and make sure you are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. We are taking back our lives and part of that is seeing that all molesters are prosecuted.
This is something that only a very select few people know about me. Up to this point in my life only 2 people and Arm Candy know the whole story. My molester is dead and I am glad he is dead because that way I will be assured that he never hurts anyone else. I hope he is in hell and that he is forced to have sex with the fugliest man with the largest d*ldo known to man repeatedly as his punishment.
Molestation hurts the victim and when the molester is someone that you love it makes the hurt that much worse. (I should say loved because I hate that b*stard now. When he died I went and sat with the rest of my family. I didn’t shed a tear and I just wanted to make sure he really was dead. ) I couldn’t even tell my mother or father because I didn’t think that they would believe me over this trusted person. They can put a molester in prison and he/she may eventually get paroled but the victim is imprisoned until they take charge of their life. I am one of the lucky few because some never overcome this prison. I am no longer a victim. I took charge of my life and started helping others in my situation to get out. I lived with the pain and torment of this secret for most of my life without telling anyone that it happened. I did not tell as a child and did not seek help until I was well into my adulthood. I do not intend to let that happen to any other child. As long as I have a little bit of money in my pocket, a voice that can speak, and/or fingers that can type I will speak out on behalf of the victims of this crime and I will empower them with the resources they need to overcome the shadow demons that chase them though their life.
Before you think I hate men or that I am messed up sexually let me set the record straight. I have been able to separate myself from those horrendous years of my life. Today I love men (sometimes a little too much.) I think that one reason I do love men so much is that the men I date usually want to protect me although only a select one has the unfortunate privilege of knowing this secret. I live every day of my life knowing that what happened was NOT my fault. How could it be because I didn’t even know what it was at that age? Please don’t think that I am a victim because I am quite the opposite. I am a victor and survivor of child molestation.
The poem below was written at a low point in my life and I have posted it in my BLOG previously for those on my circle to read. I am so lucky that I had friends that saw through my pain and reached out to stop the cycle. I am NOT suicidal and I made a promise to cubby that I will always be in his life unless natural causes take me so I can’t be suicidal because everyone knows if fungirl makes a promise or accepts a confidence she doesn’t break it unless she gets your permission to do so:
WHAT MY WALLS HAVE WITNESSED! THEY PLEAD THE FIFTH!!!
If these walls could talk,
you'd see my mind is dead,
taken over with hopeless dread,
I can’t control it,
pain is making me blind,
chained to a hate of every kind.
What if these walls could talk?
If these walls could talk,
you'd see into all my fears,
look into my eyes
you’ll see them filled with tears.
You'd know about the demons
that r*pe me in the night,
you'd know I’m not strong,
But paralyzed by my fright,
What if these walls could talk?
If these walls could talk
they’d tell about the man,
Who came to me in the dark
And made me think I can
Escape the demons.
He says although I am alone
it doesn't mean I‘m on my own.
He watches over me and I soon see,
Even at the risk of self,
That this man protects me,
Yes what if these walls could talk?
