NOT Looking For Sympathy.. I Just Want All Victims 2 Know It Isn't Their Fault!

This is something that I have never written about before. I may not have the strength to even get through this story because I choose not to think about it often but I also must share it.  I am not looking for your sympathy as I am past that point in my life but I am asking for your understanding if you are ever confronted by a person that is a victim of molestation and that no matter how uncertain you are that they are telling you the truth that you always take them seriously and suggest they get assistance immediately.  The last thing a victim needs is to play 20 questions with the people they trust most.  They are embarrassed, ashamed, and feel that what happened is all their fault so don’t make it worse by playing 20 questions with them.  Get them help and listen to what they have to say to you.  The health care workers, the law enforcement officials, and the courts will all make sure that there is enough evidence before an innocent person is convicted.  So please let the professionals decide if the person is lying or not.


Some statistics that you may not be aware of:

  • Approximately 25% of adult women and 5% of adult men have been sexually abused in their lifetime.
  • 60% of those molested knew their molester.  Incestuous acts are part of this but the majority was friends of the family.  Only approximately 10% of those molested in 2007 were molested by strangers.
  • Most abusers are male but approximately 14% of molesters are female.
  • Female abusers tend to get lesser sentences for this crime however that has changed in the most recent years.
  • The laws from state to state vary but if you are having sex with a child in any way and they are considered a minor you are subjecting yourself to potential prosecution. I will be right there if you live in my state to help every victim gain power over you and make sure you are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.  We are taking back our lives and part of that is seeing that all molesters are prosecuted.

This is something that only a very select few people know about me.  Up to this point in my life only  2 people and Arm Candy know the whole story.    My molester is dead and I am glad he is dead because that way I will be assured that he never hurts anyone else.  I hope he is in hell and that he is forced to have sex with the fugliest man with the largest d*ldo known to man repeatedly as his punishment. 

Molestation hurts the victim and when the molester is someone that you love it makes the hurt that much worse.  (I should say loved because I hate that b*stard now.  When he died I went and sat with the rest of my family. I didn’t shed a tear and I just wanted to make sure he really was dead. )  I couldn’t even tell my mother or father because I didn’t think that they would believe me over this trusted person.  They can put a molester in prison  and he/she may eventually get paroled but the victim is imprisoned until they take charge of their life. I am one of the lucky few because some never overcome this prison.  I am no longer a victim. I took charge of my life and started helping others in my situation to get out.  I lived with the pain and torment of this secret for most of my life without telling anyone that it happened.   I did not tell as a child and did not seek help until I was well into my adulthood.  I do not intend to let that happen to any other child. As long as I have a little bit of money in my pocket, a voice that can speak, and/or fingers that can type I will speak out on behalf of the victims of this crime and I will empower them with the resources they need to overcome the shadow demons that chase them though their life. 

Before you think I hate men or that I am messed up sexually let me set the record straight.  I have been able to separate myself from those horrendous years of my life.  Today I love men (sometimes a little too much.)  I think that one reason I do love men so much is that the men  I date usually want to protect me although only a select one has the unfortunate privilege of knowing this secret.  I live every day of my life knowing that what happened was NOT my fault. How could it be because I didn’t even know what it was at that age?  Please don’t think that I am a victim because I am quite the opposite.  I am a victor and survivor of child molestation.


The poem below was written at a low point in my life and I have posted it in my BLOG previously for those on my circle to read. I am so lucky that I had friends that saw through my pain and reached out to stop the cycle. I am NOT suicidal and I made a promise to cubby that I will always be in his life unless natural causes take me so I can’t be suicidal because everyone knows if fungirl makes a promise or accepts a confidence she doesn’t break it unless she gets your permission to do so:



If these walls could talk,

you'd see my mind is dead,
taken over with hopeless dread,
I can’t control it,
pain is making me blind,
chained to a hate of every kind.
What if these walls could talk?

If these walls could talk,
you'd see into all my fears,
look into my eyes
you’ll see them filled with tears.
You'd know about the demons
that r*pe me in the night,
you'd know I’m not strong,

But paralyzed by my fright,
What if these walls could talk?

If these walls could talk
they’d tell about the man,

Who came to me in the dark

And made me think I can

Escape the demons.
He says although I am alone
it doesn't mean I‘m on my own.
He watches over me and I soon see,

Even at the risk of self,

That this man protects me,
Yes what if these walls could talk?


fungirlmmm fungirlmmm
46-50, F
40 Responses Jul 5, 2008

I wasn't an adult.. I was a child, only 4 or 5 years old (as best I can remember) when it began. I am an adult now.

may god be the {glory} just imagine if you wer'e the 9yr,old girl that got raped here in {milwaukee} this little girl was raped @9 imagine what that little girl went through and was left dead ,they had to retract her digestive system ,the news said that he left her {dead} in the alley for dead he was a friend of her mother's.and was consoling her mother and telling her that they will find him and it was him,all the time. now there looking for him, his family asking him to give ,his self up this was in {january} and it get really cold in milwaukee, not saying that it's right that he done that to you,but being adult .we can handle things much better than a younger person. put it in {god's hand} amen.

Wow. What an amazing testimony. You are a strong lady. You send a veru powerful message though your words.

I am a child and domestic abuse survivor, as well as a mother of a sexually abused child. I am writing a book about ALL types of abuse to others know they are not alone in their struggle. My intention is to inform others where there is prevention, education, and support.<br />
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Education + Awareness = Prevention. I am inviting you to use my book as a platform share your testimony that will your contribution to spreading awareness. For your help I am giving a book; providing you pay the delivery. Authors may use their real name or be anonymous. I prefer 1200 words but will allow up to 1500.<br />
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I hope you will join me and the many other men, women, and organizations who are assisting me in my quest.<br />
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If you go I have extensive information, which includes letters of support from other professionals and samples of my writing. Or you may email: <br />
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I look forward to your reply. <br />
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Respectfully<br />
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Sherry Clyburn

When I read your post FS I couldn't comment because it hit too close to home on something that I have never written about here. This post literally took me 5 months to write. I would write it and then trash it, right it and then trash it. I just couldn't hit the submit button.

Thanks Piink and that respect is certainly a two way street. I appreciate your friendship. If you need anything from me just ask.

:) there is lots of darkness.

I told you we share a lot of secrets. Keep reading and you will find more.

No I am ok. Writing it was the hardest.

YW sweetie! It is healing for me to post these things and if it helps someone else then that is a very positive thing in my mind.

I find no one understands us survivors like another survivor, thanks for posting.

Wow digging up a lot of my old "demon" stories today. I remember when I first posted this story, a former friend of mine had some very negative things to say to me in regards to this post. I didn't really reply to the person that was my critique at that point but let me just say that it takes a lot of tears, some self destructive behavior, and what I found with Silver01TA, is lot of talking about it, to someone that you can trust completely. I cannot tell you the number of nights that he has spent literally all night long on the phone with me, talking calmly and promising me that I am ok. I owe him a huge debt of gratitude for my ongoing sanity. It is just one of the reasons I love him so. He doesn't question whether I am real or not because he knows that I am real. <br><br />
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My molester is dead, he was a member of my family, and I have never shed a tear for the b*stard, nor will I ever shed a tear. I hope Satan is using his soul for charcoal in his BBQ grill right about now.

Mahler, You are so right. I don't think it is that I am much stronger than other women. I really credit my inner strngth to the fact that I have had some really strong men in my life that focused me back to recovery over revenge. They have all been about their focus being that I heal internally. If I had not found these men in my lifetime my life may have went a different direction. I am one of the lucky ones. I have been through many trials in my life and they all made me stronger. Thanks for you kind words but I really didn't do anything that any othe victim wouldn't do to become a survivor. I love you Mahler... You are a great person and I have nothing but respect for you!

If only all victims possessed your strength and courage, for many of them such abuse ruins their entire lives. You have my respect and admiration.

Thanks Leila.. I have been very lucky in that have had 4 very giving, loving, men (well 5 counting the latest hehe) in my life that helped me to feel very comfortable. There is no need to be sad for fungirl because she won the battle and my mind is free. I am so string withing myself and I feel good. I have hidden this fact from a lot of people for way too long and it was time that I said it and got it out there. I just hope it helps someone.

Your strength is so beautiful to see, fungirl. Tears started to roll down my eyes as I read your story, but going thru the thread the tears switched from from sadness to admiration. Your strength, is just so so beautiful. The past is gone, the present is yours, and you alone will shape your future. God bless you.

Thanks mother I appreciate it a lot.

LOL<br />
You know I'm here for you if you need to talk about anything that is positive or negaitive.

Certainly but not drunk as he is not allowed to get drunk anymore... that is Cougar's rule LOL because I need him to be able to perform later as well. lol

Ok, AC is welcome to come along. Can we get him drunk after? You said he is alot of fun when he's been drinking... lol

Oh my god.<br />

Thanks Marji.. I love the new avatar. Way Cool! I know it is water but it is soooo pretty and looks like a speaker as well in a way. Very nice.

We have a date girl but it will be *HBY, AC and FG do Victory Dance on his grave* I have to let him have his opportunity. LOL I feel pretty good today girl only a few more hours until I get to talk to him again lol.

*HBY and FG do Victory Dance on his grave*<br />
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You know I am so there, girlfriend! Just let me know when you want to go...

Fungirl I am here if you need a someone to listen. As much as we talk I had no idea this was THE secret.

Child molestation is probably the most horrible injury that one human can conflict upon another. Physical injury will scar and heal even without treatment many times, but I have seen people, mostly women, whose emotional wounds are almost as raw as the day they were inflicted.<br />
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Thankfully, it doesn't appear you will be one of those. If I read you correctly, you hurt, but have learned to deal, and to use that lingering pain to help others as well as yourself.

Please let me hold you.

A heartfelt post...TY fungirl

Yes, that is the best thing to come from any kind of abuse... to value every happiness and to live ,as much as possible, fully in the present.

I feel thatis the best revenge against those that have dine bad things to us. It is to live our lives on our own terms and to enjoy it immensely and if you outlive them all the better if not oh well you enjoyed life while you had it. That is something that AC has taught me is that I need to live in the moment and full enjoy every second of the time we have together. He has had such a profoung effect in bringing fungirl back and releasing her from her bondage (nothing sexual meant by this comment.)

Power to you for going on to enjoy happiness.<br />
You can never get back the years you lost but it sounds like now you are living life as it should be lived .. confident, excited and full of anticipation.

Well if fungirl is in the house it is always lusty darling. It just happens that way sometimes with a hot young man. Of course my hottie is in his 20's so he is perfectly legal lol

Good for you to not be a victim anymore. I know of the confusion and the hurt and the trust issues that develop after such an ordeal. Glad you came through it a better person than most.

OMG that is something else. He is ALSO an artist. He makes me laugh with his comical characters he draws. He has the voice of an angel too. We will get him to sing for us after a few drinks.

Dayum girl if I could get the flight at this last minute I would hop that plane with AC because these days fungirl loves being out in the sun plus AC likes to show off so we put him in some shorts and no shirt and just watch him walk around the pool all day! MMMMM God I am so bad to be so superficial. He is hot though and you might as well take advantage of such assets. You know if the boy didn't have it going on in other ways I wouldn't give him any attention but it is nice that he has that sexiness to him too. I don't want to seem shallow but hell i love looking at him.

SOL, You know girl that I have nothing but love for you and if I ever go back (chances are great that I am) to your area I am looking you up. <br />
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TRW, You are quickly becoming one of my fav people as well. I can aleays count on you to make me smile. Thanks

You are awesome and he's absolutely brilliant for not even hesitating to love you more!

He might have hit it that night but he wasn't in the same town with me. We were on the phone. LOL

Thanks I know you understand and that means the world to me. Thanks for your support always. I was 6-8 yrs old. He is a coward and b*stard. I have to forgive him someday I know this but for the good of others I have to hold that pain to make sure I have fire in me for their sake. I am so lucky I met AC. I asked him if it changes anything and he was like "hell yes... it makes mr admire you even more for having come through this. You are telling a guy that wants to "hit it hard" with you that you were damaged and he comes back with something like that and he is most certainly hitting it as soon as you have waited the "respectable girl" timefr<x>ame from your last break up lol.

*hugs*<br />
I knew the man that hurt me too...I was 9. We are stronger together. I am here for you x