3 Memories; Life Time Of Struggles

Only three things is what I remember. The abuse, the beginning and the after effects. Here I am a nine year old being robbed of her childhood. Every day during the summer my grandmothers house was a safe place but not when my cousin was around. What he did to me, the sexual things he showed me, the sexual acts on me && the way it left me, i felt so wrong. I found pleasure but what did i know. I started feeling like something was wrong but i stayed quiet. I remember when he kissed me i couldn't say something because it was our little secret. I was afraid and i looked down upon my self. At the age 13 i figured what had happen to me. I kept quiet because I didn't want anyone to look at me differently.

Until my sophomore year when my secret came out. Oh how i was scared. My school called my mom and oh how i felt i hurt her, especially when she figured out who did it. I cried so many nights. I felt horrible and how everything was my fault. I felt sad but a weight was lifted off my shoulders, but i still felt like no one would love me.

Two years later here i am a 17 year old senior. I'm not a VICTIM i'm a SURVIVOR! I would have never thought i would have made it this far. At times i still feel like no one will ever understand me but i have hope. I'm not perfect but who is. I make mistake and i have times were the thought of what happened tears me apart but here i am standing strong. My story may not be as bad as others but sexual abuse is still sexual abuse and it's ruins life. It may have ruined my life but i refused for it to ruin my future, Sometimes i say im glad this happened to me and people call me crazy but its true. Through this i have become the person i am and i love me!

I hope this has touched someone && really show them that it doesn't matter how old you are you can let your voice be heard. I may be 17 but i sure as hell know that I'ma use this for my future, I want to be there for victims because i know how it feels not to have anyone. When i get to college i'm going to become a social worker and start my own organization for survivors because NO OF US are victims we are SURVIVORS.....NO action. NO change but together we can :)
msbluee msbluee
Sep 13, 2012