I don't remember much about my childhood - I think I have blocked out everything...before the age of 11 my life is a big black hole - the bits I do remember terrify me at times.
The first time it happened I was six - he was only about sixteen. I was out playing and he caught me on my own - I remember everything about that first time (I think it was the first time)...I remember running home after - I lost my shoe...he followed me home with it...my mother made me thank him.
The rest comes in snapshots - flashes of memory - things he said - things I still remember and believe in some ways. I don't know how long it went on for...I know that from the ages of 6 to 11 I had countless vaginal infections - no-one asked why...I know that the snippets I remember have me at different ages. I know that seeing him makes me sick - that he moved away for a while when I was 11 and I start to have a memory again. I don't want to remember anything else.