Healthy Bounderies?

I am divorced with no children, but lost one to ectopic. I am dating a single father of 4. There are 3 boys, 6,7 and almost 9 and one girl, almost 2. The children and I get along really well, they want to know when I am going to marry their father. (he has not asked btw). They had been married twice, once for 6 years, (his age 20 to 26) and then divorced, remarried when he was 27ish and thats when she got preg with the baby. They separated shortly after and divorced as soon as they could. Their mother is OK, she and I can be civil. He is still very friendly with her. They go out to dinner together with the kids without me and hang out at her house or ours without me, rather frequently, while I am at work or something. I am really glad that she is not as evil as I have heard some exes can be, but I am also kind of uncomfortable with how much time they spend together. I love him and the kids, and he is willing to have more children with me. (if I can) I am trying to figure out what the healthy bounderies are for this kind of situation. I never dated a single dad before, is it normal for them to all go out to dinner together and stuff or will this create confusion and resentment from the kids towards me? Also, how am I supposed to feel about this? Am I being totally overly jealous? I want him to have all the time in the world he can with the kids, I just wish she wasn't hanging around too. I know they are REALLY not interested in each other, but it still feels yucky to me. We have been together almost 2 years (the baby was born a month before we got together, and he had a DNA test done then to make sure she was his) and that seems kind of weird too-just that the baby is barely older than our relationship. Other than that, he is a great guy, about to graduate from school and the best father I have ever met. he is loving and romantic and kind and the children are very sweet, although they do forget to give me hugs and kisses and they are OK with their parents being apart so far..(there was a lot of fighting apparently) I hope to have children to add to the family at some point.
Ladyhawke42 Ladyhawke42
31-35, F
2 Responses Aug 2, 2010

Thank you! that is very useful advise. I was not liking the way I was feeling and this was very helpful. It sounds like you and your honey have a good method going! thank you again! :)

That definitely is a tricky situation because it is good for the children to spend time with both of their parents together, however now that you are in the picture some situations are slightly inappropriate and if you two end up getting married and having children I would not tolerate the ex hanging out at my house or going out to dinner with my spouse and the rest of the family without me. Explain to your boyfriend that you think it's wonderful that they are willing and able to do those sort of things with his children, but you would prefer she only come to the house when you are there and that you would like to be invited out to dinner with everyone else as you are an important part of the family. If they want to take the kids to the park without you for an hour on a Sunday I would think that is fine (my husband and his ex have done that with their daughter and they HATE each other), but they need to either include you in the intimate family gatherings or forget about them all together.