Am I Doing This All Wrong?

OK i am 30 years old, my husband is 25, his ex wife is 23 and thier daughter, my step daughter, is now 4. I have known my now husband and his daughter for 4 years, we have been married now for almost 3 months. I started dating my husband when his daughter was 1 1/2 years old. I have had nothing but problems from his ex wife. She is jealous of mine and my stepdaughters relationship. when my step daughter was younger she tried calling me mommy and we corrected it however she has been dead set on calling me that, she did not and still does not want to call me by my name. now that she is 4 1/2 she tells me she knows im not her mom but she really just wants to call me mom because she loves me, so we have allowed her to call me that. that really ****** her real mom off and she threatens the child with being angry with her for doing that. my husband and his ex have had a week to week verbal custody arrangement for almost 3 years and NOW she is taking him to court to get custody of his daughter BECAUSE she calls me mom. the court date is less than a week away and i am so scared he is going to lose his daughter and i will feel like it is all because of me and im afraid he will start to blame me. i do not personally see how any judge could take her from her dad because he has done nothing but right by her and has been in her life all these years. but it doesnt stop me from worrying. i KNOW i am not her "mom" and my step daughter will tell you i am not her mom but she wants me to be. she prefers to be with me over her actual mom and her dad truth be told but am i wrong for allowing her to call me mom even though she knows the difference between me and her mom???? also i was pregnant in 2008 my daughter was due january 2009 she overdue and when she was born she died so i dealt with the loss of my own daughter and his ex always throws that up in my face stating "just bc you cant have your own kids dont mean you can have mine" now keep in mind my birthday is nov 4th and his ex wifes birthday is also nov 4th (crazy i know) but every year except one when the birthdays roll around my step daughter has been here with me and my husband but we allow her to go to her moms to spend time with her on her birthday every year on mothers day if she is with us she goes to her moms she doesnt stay with me but yet she is telling the courts that i am trying to take her place and we pretend we are a happy family and she does not exist. how are we doing that when i dont keep my step daughter from her on special days like that??? this story could go on for ever, i just need to know am i doing stuff wrong? allowing my step daughter to call me mom and being so close to me because her real mom acts like im the worse person in the world for it
adayinmay adayinmay
1 Response Aug 13, 2010

Just pray that things work out. It's not your fault but please remember it hurts any mom that sees there child calling another woman mom. Things happen in life and you have o deal with it. What matter is everybody should get along cus you guys aren't going anywhere. Keep taking care of her . I don't know what you can do. It's her mom and she's not going a where. She's going to grow up one day so just do your best