Am I Part Of Your Life Or What?My boyfriend - who I don't live with (so I'm not technically a stepmum but we struggle with some of the same issues) - has two kids by two different mothers. We've had some conflicts about one of the mothers in particular messing us about regarding the days she's supposed to have her kid, but that's all gone pretty smoothly recently. However, I've just seen the schedule for the Christmas holidays and it seems that he's having their kid to stay on some days that he doesn't usually have him. OK, big deal, it's the holidays, things get mixed around a bit at such times and solutions need to be found. I get that. What I don't get - and don't accept - is that I'm not kept in the loop when it comes to discussing this. I suppose some may argue that because we don't live together, I don't have any "right" to be involved in such decisions. But hey, I'm part of the "family constellation" too now, whether anyone likes it or not. As I've said before in other forums here, I get that I'm second priority after the kids. That's fine by me. But not even discussing this with me, so that I can hear whether these changes are unavoidable or whether they've just been made to "better suit" the kid's mum? I don't buy that at all. That puts me in third place, after her needs. And not for the first time either. I'm really starting to feel like "Am I part of your life or what?". I think we need a chat about this and he needs to hear how this makes me feel. OK, I knew - kind of - what I was getting into, taking on a man with such a complicated situation. But I do need to be involved in the day-to-day planning of our time. I mean, if we were living together, I can't imagine him just making plans like that without even consulting me (and if he did, he'd certainly hear about it!). All this just makes me feel like I'm not worth very much to him. I know he's got a lot on his plate, but we were together - alone - the entire weekend and he didn't say a word about this. (And I asked him a few weeks ago to discuss Christmas with me as soon as he knew what the mother's requests were.) I guess he knows by now how I'm going to react, and is trying to avoid a conflict. But the thing is, he won't get a conflict if he tells me what's going on and gives me a chance to at least understand why, and maybe even give my input if I feel that his ex is taking liberties. That way, I won't feel sidestepped all the time. I just see this kind of behaviour as pretty spineless, to be honest.
Rant over :-) Hoping for respect in any comments that any of you who read this may post.
artdeco 36-40 2 Responses 0 Nov 14, 2011