Young Custodial Stepmom of Three

   First off, I'd like to mention that it seems like all the posts I have read from stepmoms have been negative and bitter. I am not writing this to complain about how unfair it is to be a step mother and how the skids are so disrespectful and the biomom is so awful (more about that later). In fact, things are working out fairly well, all things considered. I am proud to be a stepmom and I love all three of them like thier my own. So here is my story..................

      I met the kids just a couple weeks after I started dating my hubby. The girls (sd) were ages 7 and 5, and my ss was only 3. My oldest sd has adhd and impulse control along with learning delays. She is very compfortable with most people almost immediately, she told me she loved me after only a few days of knowing her. On the other hand she still had a love/hate bond with her biomom (bm is bipolar and somewhat detached). My other sd was the slowest to warm up to me (a little shy) but now is very attached and considers me her momma (more later). My ss bonded with me very quickly after we met, with the absence of his biomom he needed that motherly love he was missing. In fact for awhile he would not let anyone but me hold him and would cry everytime I left. BM moved out of the state with her boyfriend shortly after I came around. She is now re-married with 3 step kids of her own.

     Right after I married my hubby (less then a year ago) the kids went to stay with thier mom for the summer. Hubby and I relocated at the end of the summer and we were both in the process of changing jobs (leaving the army). We were not able to settle down by the time school rolled around so we decided it would be best for the kids to stay with thier mom for the school year. BM's husband is in the Air Force so they at least get housing and food payed for and decent income. Meanwhile, hubby and I settled down together in an 3 bdr. apartment (temporary) and we started our business together. Now we are financially stable and working on buying a house. The kids have been with thier mom this year and it has been a little bit rough for them. BM was diagnosed bipolar at some point but then got a doctor to "undiagnose" her recently. Either way she does have some issues, she is not a horrible mother but she does not have the patience and selflessness to take care of her kids properly.

   We had the kids for the winter break (2 weeks) and the whole time they were begging to stay with us. They said "mommy is scary" and looked very sad about going back to her. It was so hard to give them back but at the time we didn't have much of a choice. Fortunetly, we have arranged a custody agreement where begining next school year we will have the kids every school year thereafter. BM will get the kids for two months in the summer and every other christmas. So, I think that is good news for everyone, I miss those kids a lot right now. Hubby and I are very stable, patient and loving with the kids and they love us for it. Not to say there is no challenges for me as a full-time, stay at home stepmom, there are times I wish I could have more freedom. I am only 23 yrs old, I never thought I would be a mom let alone have 3 instant children. Yet I can honestly say that I thank God every day for blessing me with three beautiful kids and a wonderful husband.

Rosemb Rosemb
4 Responses Mar 24, 2009

I also never planned to have children and certainly never pictured myself as a stepmother... But I'm their Stom, and I love it. They're awesome. BM is a piece of work, but hubby is great and kids are (mostly, lol) awesome. We've had full physical custody since SS was 2 and SD was 4. He did since SS was 0 and SD was 2. We have had full and sole physical and legal custody for almost about 2 years (although I cannot say it has made anything easier or less (melo)dramatic; I think BMs have a way of keeping crazy on the radar daily).
I love them like their my own; I tell them so, they have shouted my name as I arrive home from work or they from school for three wonderful years. Even through the rough times and *all the tears* - I wouldn't walk away ever. I wouldn't recommend it for all, certainly. But I give props to all of us big enough to open our hearts and homes to another's (likely an opposing other) children. I'm glad you'll have your skids home soon and that there are others out there like me!

I have 5 step children, 3 live with their mom and the 2 youngest live with us. The older 3's mom is a great mom and woman. but the younest 2's mom is so detached that she only comes and sees them like every 3 to 4 months. its kinda sad expecially when and I do say when, they miss her and I have to comfort them whrn they are crying.. right b4 spring break they asked me " are we going to moms this week"? it broke my heart to have to tell them mom hasnt called so i dont know. I'm just so glad that I can be there for them since their bm isn't

Thank you, my kids are coming back home in one week! I'm really excited. I wish you the best of luck with your family situation. I know it is not easy to raise kids that are not your own, but just try to focus on the positive. It is so easy to see all the bad stuff that comes along with being a stepmom but there is a also a lot of good. God Bless.........

I wish that all the stories were like yours. I am 23 with 2 step children one is 10 and one is 6 and both mothers are bad mothers and still want to pop up every now and then