Addicted to Chocolate

Ok, so its not addiction to heroin or alcohol or sex, ..its only chocolate... so its not a serious addiction, or not 'an addiction to be taken seriously' ? ... i mean does chocolate addiction even actually exist? or is it just a lack of will power and am I just being self indulgent by making it a problem when it is something that is controllable with a bit of will power?

This is probably why I am the first person to write in this chocolate addiction support group, because most people would be embarrassed to admit they have a very real problem with chocolate, because it doesnt seem as serious as other addictions like alcoholism or drug abuse have, and think they can manage it by themselves.

But if you are dependent on chocolate and your usual behaviour or daily routine is being affected by the dependence then I think it is a real problem, and think we would all benefit if everyone opened up and shared their stories. Because I certainly am not managing this addiction/ dependence, and I feel like Ive tried everything!

so whats my story?

Without over analysing, all I can remember is when I was 15/16 and my parents went through a bitter divorce and I was left on my own. I used to eat a bar of cadburys dairy milk when I felt a bit down, then it increased to a large size bar of chocolate and then it increased to more and more. I was eating chocolate at first to make myself feel happy, and to comfort me, then Id eat it when I felt I couldnt cope, and I was eating more and more as a coping mechanism against loneliness and not being heard.

The thing with chocolate is that it contains 'anadamines', 'caffine' and 'phenylethylamine' which are drug like substances and 'alkaloids' that increase your serotonin levels in the brain (that makes you feel good), so you crave more and want more and it feels a bit like going 'cold turkey' with withdrawl symptoms if you try and cut it out altogether.  I was in the super market one day when my mother told me I couldnt have another chocolate and I went uncharacteristically aggressive and angry towards her. I knew I had an addiction then. I had put on lots of weight and was miserable about my appearance, angry, aggressive, lonely and unhappy.

My parents got divorced and I stopped eating altogether, I went anorexic. I drank lots of water and ate apples (no chocolate at all), my coping mechanism was to control myself (by restricting what I ate) as I couldnt control situations around me. I got better and am no longer anorexic, but the chocolate coping mechanism has returned. I think its habit. I dont know any other way to get by.

Basically I skip meals and dont eat properly at all as I dont want to put on weight, but I will then go and buy chocolate as it makes me feel happy. It started off as a bar of chocolate, then increases to a 250g bar of chocolate, and then to a box of roses chocolates every now and then when Ive had a bad day, now its a box of roses every day, sometimes a whole tin (which is a familly size tin). Nothing else gives me that instant gratification, I have tried all other types of food substitutes, I have tried not eating it at all, but I can last two weeks. Ive tried eating fruit, having a hot bubble bath, listening to music (i.e. other pleasurable things that dont involve chocolate). Ive even been hypnotised to not eat chocolate but it worked for a short while until a stressful period in my life. Not to mention just how expensive this habit is, I may as well be a smoker as I spend about the same per day, but theres no quit-helpline!!

So thats my story. Any help or advice welcome.

Whats your story?