I Am a Lost Christian

I am a 53 yr divorced born again Christian and a mother of 2 adult Children. In the last several months I can not stop being vehemently mad at God at every thing from small to big issues. October of 2007 I lost a nephew to a freak hunting accident.  Few months later I found out my father had molested my daughter and  two other female relatives when they were younger the ten.  He is now deceased. Then a year later October 2008 I had 2 sisters diagnosed with breast cancer.  Now my 20 yr old son and his wife are separated and most likely heading toward a divorce. I will never get to see my grandchildren. I can not seem to have a relationship with a man. I can not even find a small puppy.  I am so angry and frustrated. It seem the closer I want to get to God. the farther away I get. Some thing takes a hold of me and I am all but frothing at the mouth. I am also going through the change.  Help. Pray for me. i feel like I am loosing my mind as well as my soul.

Charla1956 Charla1956
10 Responses Feb 11, 2009

Its ok to be mad at God, hes our father, he gave us those emotions. I too am in my fifties, had my husband of 25 years leave me for another younger version. Then my parents died, I got cancer, my grown children didnt know how to cope and left me to deal alone. I have no brothers or sisters and church people didnt want to chose sides so they left me too. Ive struggled with finances and relationships since this all went down 10 years ago. Nothing ever turns around. have i been mad at God? You betcha! I raised my children in church, i tithed i sacraficed for all of them. My hearts in a zillion pieces, never in my wildest dreams would I have thought id spend my senior years all alone. Dont poor vinegar on our sorrow Christians are certainly more critical and holier than thou. christ says to stand with and pray with those who are hurting. No one I've met cares or takes the time. Its easier for them to say just get over it than to invest time or prayer.

Carla you need to change your attitude. I have been through 10 surgeries in less then 3 years. You need to ask God to forgive you for being mad at him.Can you PLEASE look at what JESUS CHRIST did on the cross for you.The punishment he took for all sinners. I try to think about JOB what he went through.You know if we got what we deserve we would be going to HELL. I know it is difficult but you need to. There were times I wanted God to take me home from the pain that was indescribable.He is not through with me and he is not done with you.How you react is important for lost people to see. We can not get mad at God.I`ve been through a lot but it can be worse.Get back in and read Proverbs.I had my last surgery 4 months ago and got to witness to a lot of people.So hang in there he never promised a rose garden we are no better then Jesus.God knows how you feel he suffered here so please start by asking him to forgive you and put all things in his hands.Your son will get through this.If he see`s you give up he might not want to go the way God would have him to go.<br />
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Love in Christ,<br />

Hi Dear Friend<br />
Please dont worry and God is great He is a healer and He will cure all you bodily and mindly wounds. We will pray for your.If you are interested let us have a friendship and by this way my words would console you.

Dear Charla...hello hon, I am so sorry you are hurting...I would like to comment:<br />
you said...In the last several months I can not stop being vehemently mad at God at every thing from small to big issues.<br />
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In some religious circles and especially in past abuse issues, we may "not be allowed to be angry at God" or others for that matter...recognizing and identifying what you feel as anger is really a GOOD thing. I had a nurse who was caring for my father after cancer surgery remark on his anger, she said "Anger shows that he wants to live"...I have had to think about that. Anger shows you that things are not as you would like them to be so you can start, little by little, in changing that...sometimes we wait upon someone else, even God, to change a situation that imho, we just need to accept as "being what it is" so we can "move on from there". <br />
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You said:I am so angry and frustrated. It seem the closer I want to get to God. the farther away I get. Some thing takes a hold of me and I am all but frothing at the mouth.<br />
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When we want to "be close" to anyone and feel either pushed away or not able to "connect" as we would like, this happens...you have the right to be angry and frustrated. Tell God that you are angry; "let Him have it" for all the things that He allowed to happen to you and your family. Don't be afraid to VOICE out your heart and hurts. You are worth hearing!<br />
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You also said:I am also going through the change. Help. Pray for me. i feel like I am loosing my mind as well as my soul.<br />
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I know that if something is "bothering" me that it can magnify at "that time" each month BUT we do NOT have to be slaves or victims of our hormones...can you see if you can either naturally enhance or medically correct anything, if not, then accepting that "you are going through the change" and LOVING yourself through it is the best thing that we can do sometimes.<br />
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I think that HEARING OUR HEARTS at times like these is what we need. We can hear what God says and even feel comforted but sometimes we just "have to feel it" for ourselves and no amount of religion is going to help you accept what has happened...the truth is hard to accept but healing comes afterward. <br />
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I wish you peace...hope you post again.

You see my dear,God will never cause one problem in life,the bible says in Hosea 4;6,my people perish because of lack of knowledge,God is a principle God and believers must serve God according to His principles.when you read Ephesians 1:2-3 you'll know that God never cease to bless His children,God is love and made His love known in John 3:16.but as Hebrews 11:6 says;there is a way to please God and every believer knows this into detail and for that matter the devil always take advantages of many christian and destroy them making them feel God has failled them but God never fails.my dear believe me I can lead to restore your happiness back.the bible says; you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free,when you know the truth about what God says about your life you'll jump up and shout hallelujah!.I am a Pastor in LIVING FOR CHRIST WORLDWIDE MINISTRY INT. is my call to save people and I can't just allow you to perish so from my heart I wish to be you friend,and believe me before 2 months latter you'll never speak like this again

I ache as I read your story. I'm so reluctant to try to tell you anything and yet I feel like I should. First I want to say that the fact that you are angry with God and fighting with him is a sign that you know he is still there. Then I want to share with you something I've been studying lately:<br />
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Where there is fear there cannot be love. The best way to rid yourself of fear is to realize divine Love. If you love God more than you love your microbe your sickness, your grievance, your lack, or your fear, you will be healed~Emmet Fox<br />
Your terror about your life is choking you. I know you want to see with your ego something happening right now that your life is going to change. But if you really believed that God loved you like you love the people you love in your life--at least that much, then you have to know that he knows your situation , through faith , faith being the evidence of things not seen (by your ego) you have to know that God will make it his business that you will see your grandchildren again. It might not be soon as you would like, but remember how long Abraham had to wait to see his promise fulfilled, or Joseph had to wait to see his situation resolved? But you have to wait out of trust and not in fear because if you wait in fear you will end up killing yourself with a heart attack or a stroke. Let go and let God...

All the troubles you face makes me think there is something great in your future. The enemy doesn't fight you for what you are, he fights you for what you will be. Your God given destiny is much bigger than any suffering you have to go through. Do you believe God is a God of love or not? If not, then allow the world to drown you and let the enemy claim his prize. Stop living defeated and start believing God has favor and blessings in store for your life. That is what faith is all about. Start thanking God for the favor and blessings that are about to be showered on you. You have to believe it before you will see it.

Hi there<br />
Never forget that God will never tempt you above what you can handle. <br />
Satan is roaming about like a lion, seeing whom he can devour. <br />
Pour out your heart to God, confess your sins, ask him to change you first, then others. <br />
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Rev 20:12 And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works.

You will be in my prayers tonight. You say that you will never see your grandchildren - wrong. Always fight for the right to see you children, grandchildren and anyone you love. Just by the fact that you are here, telling us about your life indicates you are a stonger person than most. Beldisastro gave you some good advice. I want you to keep your chin up - to always strive for happiness, and to always know that you are not alone. There are thousands and millions who are the same as you and I. God bless you - be happy - that's an order from an old soldier.

I'm so sorry to hear everything that happened. You are in my prayers.<br />
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We all stumble, in the things we do, or sometimes think. Just remember God loves you! I know you know that but it never hurts to hear it again.<br />
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Also take a look at the book of Job, or just read the Bible you can't go wrong. But when life has got me crying in bed not wanting to move I just think about Job and try to keep my head held high. <br />
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No doubt you are more mature than I and have gone through things I haven't and can't even imagine surviving at this moment. But look at you, you still standing; and I know that God will get you through this.<br />
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Find someone you can talk to, and share your feelings honestly. Preferably another Christian, that way you can help and encourage each other.<br />
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Lots of hugs.<br />
I will pray for you.