I Can't Imagine Going Out Of The Closet...

I am fourteen. My parents were never married since my father has a family and he's still married to his real wife with kids, my half-siblings, which I've never ever met before. My mom is in a relationship with another guy and she gave birth to my half brother a year and a half ago. I have a full sister and I sometimes hate her.

If that seems pretty messed up already, I have another set of problems. I go to a private school with the financial support my father gives us. I have lots of friends and they don't know the **** I have with my family. I don't think I can ever tell about it. I just don't have the guts to.

And when I think everything is so messed up already, I realize that I actually find myself attracted to girls. This first happened when I realized that I am in "love" with this girl we'll call B. She's interesting, I would say. She writes poems, she likes good movies, she hates Twilight (major plus for me) and she's sixteen. For six months, I was stuck on being in love with her. I love her.

I wrote letters to her up until now although I would say my feelings have faded a little because I stopped seeing so much of her. Even though I try hard to remain in love with her, I found myself growing fond of this certain girl we'll call S that I've only known for two months. I think S likes me. She keeps on looking at me (I could see it on my peripheral view) and when I look back at her, she turns away and looks at me again.

I'm too busy thinking about love that I can't even imagine going out of the closet. I can't imagine telling my friends I'm a lesbian. I tried to hint once to my sister that I am not straight and she didn't seem to take it easily. I just can't imagine telling the girls I like that I'm a lesbian and I like them. I just can't. Maybe, I am different. Or I am still unsure about me being a lesbian. I don't know. I'm so confused. Maybe someone out there will help me. I think that's what I need. Help.
realK realK
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 15, 2010

im in the same situation but im 16<br />
what i think is what is the point in labelling yourself, why dont you wait until you actually find someone and maybe she could help you through it, but i think you'll know when the time is right because you wont be able to keep it secret forever that what i tell myself. I seem to be caring less and less about getting found out. Im sure you will come out eventually but you're only 14 soo whats the rush.

Hi, I'm fourteen as well, and I'm a lesbian, stories of our lives right? I'm kinda freaked out to make an account on this, but my email address is mucholuvsluvs@hotmail.com you should email me, and we can talk, then maybe if I get more comfortable, I can add you on facebook!