My Story Of Unrequited Love

I am 20 years old, and I have fallen in love. This person fits me like a glove, with the same ambitions and perspectives on life. This person and I fight, and do not always get a long. Yet, I love this person anyways. This person has made me realize how happy life can be. This person has taught me to be strong and independent. Lastly, this person has taught me how to do things for myself and take charge in life. Despite all these wonderful things I have learned, there is a problem. This person is my best friend, and this person is a girl. I have now come to terms with the fact that I(as a woman) love another woman. Gay, Bi, Straight, I didn’t know what I am. All I know is that in this moment I love someone with all my heart. When I first started to love her I began to think of her always, and obsess over her every move. I wanted her to love me, but no matter how hard I tried she wouldn’t let me in. She set up a barrier around her every emotion. Detached and adrift, I could never fully reach her. She seemed to push me away most of all, as if she knew that I wanted to penetrate that barrier. I wished with all my heart that she would love me the way I loved her; when she spent time with other friends or laughed at someone else’s joke I felt sick to my stomach. The anguish of unrequited love haunted my every move and action. I fell into a pit of despair, no longer living for myself, but living for her. Doing anything to spend more time with her. We were inseparable, I even ignored the other people close to me to spend more time with her. She was the only one who had my whole heart. We spent every day together, laughing, fighting, and enjoying life. Every time we touched, I would light up and feel at peace with my life. When I left her for the summer I cried the whole 8 hour drive home. I am studying abroad in Spain for 3 months, and she is studying abroad in South America for 6 months. I know that those extra 3 months she is going to be abroad will be torturous for me. We still talk and email a lot; however, we are only close friends, nothing more. I know that it will never change. She will never love me, so I will continue to pine over her. How do I escape this situation? I still want to be her friend, in fact I cannot imagine my life without her anymore. But how do I overcome these feelings and start living my life again while still remaining her close friend? Has anyone been in a situation like this before? And how did you overcome the anguish and the pain?
hummingmeadows hummingmeadows
22-25, F
12 Responses Aug 2, 2010

Girl I don't have a great answer for you, there's no easy way around this. Even if you try to move on do you have to figure out if your sexual orientation that's a battle all on its own. With your love, well, my best friend knows that I love her, I tell her every time were together, it gets steamiest by the day and harder for me to stay away. The whole pining thing, I get it, I choose 7 minutes in heaven mixed with hours of torture, the time you do spend with her will give you all the will power and happiness you need to keep going no matter how short it is. A simple hand hold can keep me going, it's worth it for me, but I love my girl and I think I'm in it for the long haul. I'm also way to scared to do this whole lesbian thing without her. :p

I feel your pain. I am there also. I haven't taken any step toward finding out her feelings, but assume that she is "Straight" (as I have assumed I am). I would rather continue to have her in my life than scare her away.

I am in pretty much the same situation now , except I just came out fully to her , because I am in love with her . As if the pain of loving your best friend isn't anguishing enough ! It's even worse when she doesn't feel the same way . With it comes actual , physical pain : like someone is literally trying to tear your heart from your chest . When I came out to her fully, I felt physically sick when she said she didn't feel the same way,then a while after I started to hyperventilate , because i know now i can never have her , and I just cried . She was so sweet in trying to cheer me up, and she reassured me about being gay /bisexual or whatever I am . Eventually I calmed myself down , but I still get violent butterflies when I think about her , or anticipate seeing her for the first time after this .
She told me I will get over her eventually , but I said no , I won't , which isn't helping me . I asked her about experimenting but she said she didn't hear me , although I'm not sure.
It took so much bravery and pain to tell her the truth , and I regret it so much , but not as much as I would have done not telling her my feelings .
Comin out is hard enough , so if you are emotionally fragile , then give it time to blow over .
My advice is : just let it be , until you don't feel the same way . If you come out to her and she doesn't feel the same way , you will be utterly heartbroken , like me . This only works to an extent but try to find her fatal flaws that mean you could never willingly be in a relationship with her . This sounds bad but ,if you convince yourself that you don't want to be in a relationship with her then it will be so much less painfull and it will go away . Of course , try and keep your friendship in tact , so don't scrutinise her too much !
My advice is a bit messed up but I really hope that it helps , because I know why you are going through . Unrequieted love is hard enough when you are straight , but it's a totally new ball game when you are lesbian / bisexual / gay .
I wish you all the best , and really hope that this will end for you !
HayleeJane :)

Hey, your problem has probably already been resolved by now, well I hope so. I'm in a very similar position; I have suffered unrequited love for nearly 3 years now. I'm in love with one of my good mates, but of course he's straight and I'm in the closet. <br />
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In spite of the horrible pain I've been through, I really feel I've gained so much life experience in these 3 years. <br />
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One thing I can say for sure, once you have those feelings for a friend, you cannot simply remove the feelings and still be friends.<br />
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The simply but blunt truth is that the only means of finding closure is to stop seeing her- trust me. Otherwise this issue will continue to torment you. And NEVER tell her that you love her, she won't get it and she'll get creeped out.<br />
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I wish you all the best and I hope you take my advice.

I agree with the first comment "Catcraig".... do something else to distract you. Make new friends, never ever focus and put too much emotion on one thing because it'll hurt you. Just enjoy the moment, but when it's gone, learn to let go.

Yeah. I feel the same way too. I wish I could spend the rest of my life with her. Though it's more of an emotional thing... not exactly sexual. I'm still quite uncertain of my orientation as a result of it.

This is EXACTLY my life right now..i've been with my bestfriend for over a year now...its been the best time of my life...all I can say is just be the best friend you can be to her...always be there when she hurts and rejoices in her life..she her you love her in other ways

Im am 19 years old now...and your writing is amazing, i love the feeling behind it..but when i was about 13 i met a girl and she became the center of my existence and I hers..we never did anything, but we knew what was on our minds...we were best friends, but we knew we loved each other way beyond that..but we never said so...then one day someone told her they thought i was gay, and from there she's barely talked to me...i told her myself some years later..but we were bestfriends for about 4 years..its odd, but..i feel more free without her in my life..it opens up for door ways for people who actually do love me back the way i love them..

i share the exact sentiments as you do. it feels like i'm reading something i wrote. same age, same feelings, same story. the only way i managed to overcome it is to go through the pain of realizing that some things can never be. and it'll take time and sometimes it feels like it's impossible to do and that you'll never be complete with someone else. But one day, you'll be ok, cos you have to be, for yourself.

i think we have similar feelings for our best friend's except for the fact that i distanced myself from her the moment i started realizing how much i had fallen for her. So which is better, that's really in the air. because for me it was those text when she would get so excited when i would actually make plans with her, those moments make my heart sing. She broke up with her boyfriend and i broke up with mine so i could be their through the sorrow, to console, because I'm the only one she trusts with those emotions and she's the only one i trust. She loves me and i love her, but my love is much deeper i want her in every way, but I'll never have her in that way. I have doubts maybe she would love me, it has always been her that has initiated any touching hugs, etc. it has always been her because im torturing my self every time shes near i want her. To press my lips against hers to make her laugh and show her that sex is not a chore. But i don't i smile and scoff at her ability to be so free with what she wants. <br />
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To tell her most would say that would be the answer. I know she would be fine if i told her i was gay but to tell her i am in love with her and risk losing my best friend. So its my bestfriend vs my possible love of my life if she feels the same way? is knowing her answer the only way to really move on? i think so... <br />
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so my suggestion would be tell no peace may come with your heart is still with her... if you know her answer then you know you did it all. you reached for the ultimate extacy to be with her. Although dont let the friendship end if she doesn't feel that way, people need time they need to process their feelings and maybe realize some thing about them self they were to scared to face. <br />
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good luck.

im 16 and i when i was 13 in the exact same boat as you, obsessivly in love with a girl who was my best friend but my fear of rejection stopped me from telling her how i felt about her. i guess i became an became pretty good at acting. At the end of 8th grade , she moved to Texas. we stopped talking abruptly and i never saw her again. i cried every night for six weeks. it still hurts to remember. if i could, i would go back and tell her, but i know i wouldn't because im a coward. theres nothing you can really do. time healed my wounds, but that was because i never saw her again. i dont know what to tell you... try to move on?

i know this probably sounds stupid just because (no offense) but ur writing is freakin' awesome! and ive never EVER felt the way u do...only read about it...but have u...talked to her about it?<br />
and sorry because i can tell its pretty hard 4 u (understatement) but basically...and i think u would know this (u being intelligent and all) u NEED not want NEED to stop "pining" for her..u can tell its a dead end...just make a U turn! it will probably mess u up for life but...this isnt good or right for u in any way possible...ull just keep hurting urself, mentally and/or phisically! im sorry thats all i can say...<br />
except to beg u...please do something different to help urself move on...obviously it will be hard (another understatement)...<br />
think of this as rehab for ur unrequited drug of love!