Just Can't Tell
I knew I liked females and males ever since I was 12, but I didn't officially become totally a lesbian until I was 28. Weird, huh? Anyway, I have only told a few people in my entire life, and none of those people know my family at all. I can never publicly come out because my family members are very conservative christians and I don't want to hurt them. A lot of people told me that I will never be fully happy unless I come out, but they don't know what I am going through. I am very tight with my family, and would like to keep it that way. It is very hard for me to be with another female, because all the females I have met are very open, and they want to be with someone who is the same. I just started going to a church that is for gays, lesbians, trans, and bi's. I have met some really nice people there, but none who would like to be with a closeted lesbian. I feel that I deserve to be happy too, and my sexuality should not be the reason why I shouldn't. I feel that my love life is my business and not something I need to share with the world. I just wish that being in the closet has kept me from being happy with another lesbian. Why can't I just be with someone who respects my wishes? Why must I be ridiculed because I choose not to come out completely? Maybe if I came from a bad family, or my family weren't so anti-homosexual I would not be closeted. I just want to experience true love with someone who is similar to me or at least respects my wishes on being so private.