Married With ChildrenI believe I realized I was gay in the 2nd grade. I had a crush on my teacher. At this age, I wasn't sure what was going on, but I knew their was something different about me and being raised Southern Baptist, I believed it was something wrong.
I watched out lesbians and gays being made fun of all through High School. This made me even more afraid of coming out and so I compensated by being very permiscuous with guys. I also began drinking and experimenting with drugs. I lost a few female friends because when I got wasted, I found myself coming on to them.
I eventually found myself pregnant, and it was at this point I told myself I could never come out. I had relationship after relationship with men and was never happy. Even though I was unhappy, I kept pushing myself.
Nine years ago I married my husband. We had twins together and he ha been a father to my two eldest twins as well.
I know it is more acepted in my community to be a lesbian now, but I fear hurting my children. I love my husband, but I can't feel for him the way a woman should about their husband. I've settled for a life of unhappiness.
I hope one day I can be brave enough to be me.
twinmom9906 31-35, F 10 Responses 2 Mar 27, 2011