I'm Pretending To Be Straight & "date" Guys In College

SIGHH. I'm a college student pretending to be straight, and it's not a great situation. To my closest friends and to the guys I date, I will talk about my experiences with women and hint at bisexuality, but deep down, I know that I'm only strongly attracted to women.

It's getting harder and harder to keep pretending. I actually had a boyfriend for 3 months recently because I thought I could fake my way through the relationship. I figured that guys would stop hitting on me if I had boyfriend, and it seemed like less work to only have to deal with one guy. It was a lie from start to finish. I liked him as a friend, but nothing more. The touching, holding, the romantic words, they were all an act on my part. Eventually I felt so uncomfortable being physical with him that I ended the relationship. I couldn't tell him why. He's got problems handling his anger and since our break-up, I have dealt with threats, insults, and wish I'd never gotten involved with him in the first place.

Now I'm single and get asked out by guys-- a lot. Presumably because I'm an attractive girl. I take good care of my appearance and I workout every day. I wear just enough make-up to enhance my features, but not so much that it's distracting. I do my hair every day. I like to stay sun-kissed. Not surprising that guys ask me out & assume I'm straight, right? At the moment, I've got 4 guys talking to me- By which I mean, taking me out for dinner/drinks, texting me, etc. But I keep them at a distance. I tell them that I'm not interested in a "relationship" and try to avoid getting physical with them. They're all confused. They want to know why they're not good enough for me. They make promises that they'll treat me well. They hit the gym more often and take me to nicer places, trying to win me over. The worst part is, I could care less. I like spending time with guys...as friends...because I have a more masculine side inside me and it's fun to hang with the guys. But when a guy's pursuing me it makes me feel uncomfortable, trapped, and a little grossed out.

I keep trying to push them away, but they're very persistent. Sometimes I consider getting seriously involved with a guy again-- making the best of it. I'll meet a guy that's handsome, smart, funny, who can take apart an engine and landscape a property. I'll think to myself-- why not. But I can't, because I'm gay.

My situation is getting more exhausting every day. I am ticking guys off, and they are ticking me off. Honestly, lying complicates everything. But I'm not apologizing, because it's not easy being gay-- especially when you live as far south as I do. But everyday I get a little more frustrated with the pushiness of so many guys, and the passiveness of so many of us girls.
Honestly21 Honestly21
7 Responses Apr 20, 2011

Being gay is not an excuse for treating good people poorly by lying to them and using them for your own hidden purposes, knowing all along that you're planning to throw them away like yesterdays trash when you finally feel comfortable living an authentic life. If you are hurting people with your deceptions, it's not OK.

That's true. It is not easy being gay. And believe me, sometimes, even the place makes it harder.<br />
I guess I know where you study. Well, see you around then! ;)

Do you ever try and avoid going on the dates? <br />
I get asked out a bit too and have no interest, often they are men who I could really see myself being friends with but once I hint that I am not interested - and give the usual "i'm happy being single" or "i'm just too busy for a relationship" etc they seem to get annoyed, take it really personally and things get awkward from there. I just wonder if there is ever a good way to get around this

Thanks for this story, I am going through a similar situation at home however if I come out I know I will lose a lot of friends and possibly family..

hi all, thanks for your comments! I'm well aware that I'm not doing what's best for me, but I only came on here and wrote because I wanted to tell the truth... even if it's anonymous. I will not be ready to come out until I live in an area where there's a dating scene for me. I've come out to my friends from high school and that was years ago. I even dated a girl fairly openly a few years back, but when she broke things off with me I lost my confidence and became more secretive. I recently moved to a new town and haven't got my "footing" yet- and so far haven't seen many gay-friendly people, much less gay girls. It's a conservative town, I chose to come here for the university not the people, and don't need the extra negativity from those around me at the moment. Maybe that makes my situation a little more clear. <br />
<br />
ac818- yes, "alone" time sounds great... ummm at least better... right now :P

Is there any reason why you are trying to pass as straight so hard? I mean, it doesn't sound like you are in denial (like I was), and you haven't mentioned any family issues.... if you came out and everyone knew you were a lesbian and were in a relationship with another woman, things would be a lot simpler for you.

hopefully things will get better for you. One day you might meet Miss Right. In the mean time maybe you should get some "alone" time and figure yourself out. You may be a lot better for it in future relationships. Good luck!