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Don't Wanna Be This Way

yea so bascially my story is I've been a lesbian since I was little. I always like to wear boy clothes and stuff. To be really honest I wish I was a boy because it fits me so much better. I dont like being a girl and having periods and stuff. Also don't like wearing dresses or getting hair done. My parents or my friends don't know anything about this. I knew if I told them it would change everything and I don't want that to happen. I don't think I could handle that. To make things worse I'm in love with my bestest friend. I met her on YouTube Were really close but we only text cuz she lives in another state. Though one day we are going to try and see eachother. Anyways she doesn't know I'm a lesbian and she has a boyfriend she loves so much. It hurts me alot when she talks about him it hurts me alot but I don't say anything. I won't tell her how I feel because even if I did it wouldn't change the fact she's in love with him not me. also are relationship probably would change so I just stay friends with her. Though sometimes I don't wanna be her friend anymore because it hurts me but it'll kill me if I don't have her In my life. I really don't know what to do..Another thing is I don't have many friends because I'm really shy and don't want To open up to people which makes it harder to be just me. i really want some friends that I can just be totally me around and they won't judge me at all.
lonelylife23 lonelylife23 18-21, F 2 Responses May 14, 2011

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I am not the best when it comes to advice, but i understand what u r going through. Sometimes it's best to keep certain things unknown in order to protect the ones u love and preserve your relationships. But keep in mind, though the truth is kept hidden it eventually comes out. However, i am not one to speak. I also have a secret i keep from my best friend. Though i trust her, i feel i might hurt her if i let her know my recent discovery. <br />
I hope all goes well. Let me know what happens. I hope i helped a bit.

Thanks for advice