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Kinda In the Closet.....

My story is not unlike many others.  I'm still closeted with family and even my best friend!  Everyone I've met in the last 3 years knows I'm gay, but its much harder to tell family and my bff.  I just cannot tell my grandparents.  They're old school and would not understand.  My Grandma even wanted me to sign a petition to ban gay marriage!  I've decided my grandparents will never know.

I have told a lot of my childhood friends that I'm gay.  However, my "bff" is kinda a homophobe and I suspect that she's at least bi.   As kids we had discussions of how "everyone was gay."  Moreover, she's too obsessed with gayness not ot be gay. 

Now I have a gf and she came to Europe to visit me and we stayed with my sister, with her posing as my best friend.  I'm really not that close to my sister and I thought coming out wasn't worth the trouble.  I know I can't continue on, with some knowing and some not.  I feel soo much better not living a lie.  I think I have to tell my bff.  However, I know our relationship will change, but if she's my bff, she should know all of me.  I can't keep my relationship from her anymore.

DOLCE84 DOLCE84 21-25, F 15 Responses Mar 4, 2008

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If you tell your BFF, and your being a lesbian suddenly makes her not your BFF, then She wasn't really your BFF in the first place. Many years ago, at your age I finally came out as a cross dresser to my best friend from the 4th grade. I would have been devastated if he had not accepted me,but he did, unequivocally. Yet, years later, I received a letter stating that he was "dropping out of sight" for while. Neither I, nor his parents, nor anyone else in our circle has ever heard from him again. The consensus is that he either killed himself, or,out of pride, died alone of AIDS. , (he was living in San Francisco during the original outbreak)

Some years after that, I was talking about him with a mutual, female friend. She speculated that he was gay and had not been able to tell me. I felt like I had been stabbed in the chest. I don't know if I was more sad, or angry. He'd seen me in a dress, and he couldn't tell me he was Gay?

Don't do this to yourself. Tell your friend that you are a lesbian. If she can't accept you, you'll move on. If she can, think of how much closer a friend she will be. The very worst outcome of all this is not that everyone knows you are a lesbian. The very worst is that you die alone, alienated, when you didn't need to.

Your name is the name of my favorite cologne, so if we never meet in life and if I never hear from you, at least we have that in common.

I know how difficult it is to come out of the closet. I am a senior citizen and I have never told anyone of my experiences. Most of them have been with strangers. I only engage in those activities once every year or two. It is not my regular routine because I am into women, but every now and then I like to go outside the box. That is no one's business but mine. Everybody have secrets. Learn to keep your business to yourself. It makes life that much more interesting.

How are you a lesbian but dating a married man?

I'm kinda in the same position, difficult indeed :)

If she is a true friend she will acept you no matter what. If not, then I would say she was never really your friend to begin with.

buddhawannabe - I think we're both on the wrong circuit or I' replying to the wrong person. I have never been attracted to married men or single men, that is why I am on this site , It's as simple as that.

From your attraction to married men and now realizing your are gay? Is that true?

Could people around my age group -53- bi or lesbian please get in touch with me. I'm a closet lesbian but I am not attracted to young girls. Thanks

Hi, i am like you not attract to young women, but love to be with a woman i my age group. I hope you are still on line, if you are sent me line. e-mail.

I will msg you or e mail

Are you gay too? I hope so , you sound nice.
Pat

Please explain how this post fits in with your other posts about you dating married men??? Are these posts real or made-up??

Because I'm still in the closet, so i have to act straight & I hate it.

@bubbagumpfish You're mixing me up with someone else. I do not date married men.

Hi! You may find this interesting.



Please pass this on too... it can be helpful to someone



http://www.amazon.com/Figuring-Out-N-S-B/dp/0979216303

http://www.myspace.com/figuringitoutbook



Figuring IT Out by NSB - A Coming Out Story.



This books has been rated with 4.6 out of 5 in Amazon.

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This book will help your friends know that they are not alone; that they are not different; that what they are feeling is normal...



From the author herself:

"I started this project to share my experience with the hope that it will make others feel less alone and more understood, and to inspire empathy in those who have not had the experience themselves." -- NSB

I think you have to think, what is a best friend? Isnt it somebody who will be totally accepting of you no matter what and laugh at your faults. Love who you are.



You are safer not having a 'best friend' if they cannot make you feel totally happy with who you are - at the ned of the day when we are feeling sad or worried about who we are etc it should be them who gives us support and makes us feel better about ourselves. Not us trying to prove to them that we are okay, that we are gay.



I realise this was posted a while ago now, so I do hope that you have found the courage to let them know the real you - I was recently told that you should never hide the real you :)

Good for you! I wish I had your courage. I've been denying who I am for years because I'm scared of what people will think.

i know coming out can be hard i was almost out in high school. mostly all of my close friends knew i was into girls and i even had a big ordeal with my grandparents too( they actually raised me) and they told me it was just a phase. i listen to them and ended up in a terrible marriage and vey unhappy. please be true to who you are and don't let fear get in the way of happiness!

I feel the same way about coming, as far it being my business. However, not telling my "best friend" is complex because if I had a bf, I'd be sharing my relationship from her. Because I haven't told, I have consequently lied. She's asked if I'm dating anone and I say "no." For us to continue being friends, I'll have to tell. I just know our relationship will change and I'm not ready for that.

Amie is absolutely correct - but then again, she almost always is!



The decision of whether to come out, if so to w hom, and how you tell them, is yours and yours alone.



Go at your own speed, not anybody else's. I had a gf who tried to pressure me to come out to everyone. After much agonizing I realised I just wasnt ready yet to deal with the issues that arise when you come out.



Good luck, and let us know what we can do.