I Have Always Known

I am 23 years old and I am a hispanic female. Ever since I can remember I have fallen in love with girls. Starting from the beginning my first crush was when I was 5. Then, when I was 11. Furthermore, when I came to the realization that I was different at the age of 15 years old. At 15, I fell in love (puppy love) with my best friend. I knew she would never see me as more than a friend, but my daydreams would get the best of me and I would make myself believe that maybe she could love me too. I ended up getting in a huge fight with my best friend just so I could get away from her and that was that. In my senior year of high school at the age of 17 yrs. old, I again started having strong feeling for another one of my friends. (by this time I had a boyfriend, but I never felt for him what I felt for a "her"). I believe it was about at this age that I started actually accepting that I might be a lesbian, but still did not want it to be true. I was 17 with a boyfriend, having strong feeling for a girlfriend. I started writing her love poems and love letter all the time, but never had the guts to give them to her. She also had a boyfriend that made me incredibly jealous, I honestly had to walk away when they were kissing because I thought I would explode in rage. I realized by the end of the year, she was never gonna see me as more than just a good friend and so I moved on. After all that I moved away,started working, I got preoccupied with growing up and I had relationships with men. I think that for a very long time I tried to put my sexuality confusion aside and just kept living my life as "normally" as possible. Then I turned 20, I had gone out with guys, but it would never work out. Until, one day I met a guy he was sooo nice and cute and I thought to myself "maybe, I was just confused and I am really just straight." This guy and I went out for about two years everything was good, but I still felt incomplete. My relationship with him was just to fill up the loneliness, but I knew it would never be love. Even though I knew all this I still kept my relationship going until i was 22. At 22 I met a woman, I fell madly in love with her. So, I ended it with my boyfriend of almost 2 years off and on. She was everything I was looking for in a love interest, she makes my heart jump every time I see her, and she has the most beautiful eyes. We are really close friends now. I am 23 years old and I am in love with a woman. Recently, I have been struggling with coming out or at least telling her how i feel. Somedays I wake up with the certainty that today will be the day I tell her I love her, but I always end up not doing anything. I think about what my family will do if they found out I am a lesbian and how much I will suffer if they shunned me. I have known my whole life I am a lesbian, bi, or whateva you want to call it. Now, I wish I just had the guts to act on my true feelings.