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Why Do People Assume You Choose To Be Gay Or Lesbian?

Today during my Sociology class, we were talking about deviance and how a lot of psychologists believe that you're born 'bad'. Well, one of my stupid classmates, Ian, said, "I don't believe you can be born bad just as much as you can be born gay,"

Well, that got me ticked off. Why is it some people think gays & lesbians choose to be homosexual? That's insane! I know I don't wake up in the morning and say, "You know what, I'm feeling being straight today." Hell no. I know that I like guys and I know that I like girls, too. I am old enough to say that I was born that way, but didn't realize it or fully understand it until I was in 8th grade.

If being homosexual truly was a CHOICE, then there would be no such thing as a 'closet'. If you chose to be gay, wouldn't you come out and say, "Hey, I'm gay!" Who wouldn't? But if you're born gay, you can't control it, whether you like it or not. That's why a lot of people who know they're homosexual are in the 'closet'.

Know what I'm saying?

I don't know, this really bothered me today at how stupid some people can be. Why can't people just learn to accept others?
WeArePilots WeArePilots 18-21, F 26 Responses Dec 15, 2011

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acceptance is the one thing people don't want to do, no matter how much good it would do them.

I though this might help, it's a snippet from a letter I had written to a dear friend on ep explaining why people feel as they do about things and people who are different.

"Needless to say there is a fair amount of drama in this world and it has many reasons most of which being in the "selfish". As for why people are the way they are? By birth and by social influence dependent on their id ego and alter ego. Simply, in the human race there has always been a minority personality with traits indicative of leaders or changers and a majority of persons with personality traits that are followers. Leaders are more likely to encourage and accept change were followers are uncomfortable with things that are new and/or different. To the follower, life has to be comfortable and familiar and so that they feel safe and not threatened. They follow into new worlds only when they have been convinced by those who see new horizons and convince the follower that is it safe by placating them with anicdote. Take homosexuality for example. Our entertainment industry if you will has become the social leaders of the gay movement. And led in a direction of openness and tolerance for the gay community (as it should). And as such, more and more people become familiar with "gay" and it becomes more and more comfortable to know "gay". The transgender community is on the first steps, (as gays were 20 years ago) If we have the right leadership and we touch people with our cause. More and more will seek to be familiar and be comfortable with us. An opposite gender desire for a person born one sex is an extremely misunderstood, even by the gay community. Almost uncomprehending is the consideration of a person "born" with indifferent gender/sex birth aspects. It also does not help that we "condition' our children with stereotypical behavior dependant on our knowlege of them being male or female. A fringe trend today is to not disclose the sex of a child by the parents to limit outside gender influences. Much more common though for little girls then it is for little boys as we are still not quite comfortable with strong confident girls and seek to equalize a girl in a mans world, much more then we seek to equalize a boy in a world where they won't be required to be stereotypical males. (we still consciously or unconsciously hang on to a social need for boys to be nothing but men in the vision of what society has always expect men to be.) it's funny to, because many "feminists" I talk with, even though they want a less verbose and less mesagenist male, we still expect them "men" in some stereotypical manner, to be leaders, providers, and protectors."

Again, People are born with their own very unique ego, alter ego and id. It is bent by society and societies normality dependent on the strengths of those human qualities. If you are born a follower any new concept is going to be a threat to your world and in some this ignorance gets vocalized as decent, or denial. Just be strong in your personality and challenge yourself and your world to be better. We all have people who disagree, it's how we manage those people that make us leaders or followers.

So true because if we choose to be bisexual gay or lesbian wouldnt it be easier for us to come out because its our choice wouldnt we tell the world instead of hiding it from friends and family some are just so clueless about the way we feel and how we see life

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If I had a choice, I would be straight because it's way easier in a society like this.
But I don't and it shouldn't matter.lol at your sarcastic citations! x)

I totally understand what you are saying. I guess people who are not gay can't understand what is it like to be gay and be in the closet because you are so afraid of rejection and humiliation.

Sure they can. Be married to a pastors daughter and discover you've lost your required belief in god. You're an Atheist. Now I wasn't born this way, but don't believe for a minute I'm not stuck in a closet...

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I don't know if I believe people are born gay or not but I also think that some make a choice to be. To me your sexual preference is of no concern and should not dictate anything about you. We know society as a whole fears what they do not know and do not understand so I believe that is why most are "closeted". My mother is a lesbian and she came out the closet when she was 21 and has been happy ever since. I recently just got involved with a female and I'm not sure if I'm a lesbian, bi or just living life. Either way its my decision and I'm happy with. I don't care who likes it or not. I do hate small minded people who just can't come to terms with homosexuality. We are in a new generation and homosexuality is not going in where. It is only becoming more open.

My mother is gay. she was closeted most her life and it wasn't till after I came out to her (at 16) that she started processing her own sexuality. Also my father is gay but very closeted. I always knew I was different, when I was very young I wanted to explore sexually with other girls and I never really felt right with guys as I got older. For me its the same as people knowing they are str8 as in opposite sex attraction , I knew I was gay and had same sex attractions.was I born this way?most likely.I doubt it was a learned behavior considering I was raised in a religious household and being gay was wrong.both my parents lived as "happy" heteros until I was 20.

I think it's possible that some people "decide" to be gay or bi. Undoubtedly, MANY people know that they're gay from the very beginning.<br />
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It makes no difference to me if someone born to homosexuality, or decides, or whatever. We have the right to be who we are. There is certainly nothing immoral about it. When someone makes a pronouncement like your classmate did, it's just ignorance, or perhaps just bigotry. I would have been pissed off, too, I think.<br />
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I realized I was bisexual when I was 14, and my best friend and I quickly went from playful experimentation into naked-in-bed sex. Before that, I don't really remember having any sexual attraction for other girls. But immediately after taking that path, and now, 15 years later, it feels every bit as natural to be with a woman as with a man. I can't imagine being any other way. So was it a "decision," or was I bisexual, and only needed to realize it? I don't know. It doesn't matter. I'm happy to be who I am.

Very well said sweetie<br />
Hugs<br />
Sammi

I totally agree!,, being gay is genetic,, there's nothing we can do about it!,, thats why im still in my closet!:(

idk I mean I want to live as a girl, but I was born a boy. heck i've even got a good life as a boy but i'm not happy. I've got no idea why anyone would want to live like this. but it is just who I am and I cannot help it no matter what I do.

remember how your brain decided which hand you write with? after i suffered a brain injuerey i forced my self to become amadextrrous ( i think thats the right word). I am hetro but i can admit when a guy is atractive, i have no doubt in my sexuality. am i afraid to engage with another man in sexual acts, not if it's what the woman i love wants me to do while we are makeing love together. and we are all homos....homosapiens. to all the bisexual guys out next time a homo phob makes fun of you just remember he isn't mad or stupid, he's just jealous because you get in about 4 times more often a week then they do. feel free to remind them of that to.

I'm a 23-year old lesbian and in the closet. I totally agree with you because let's face it, homosexuals have a tougher life and I really don't know who would purposely choose to make his or her life tougher.

Seemingly, scientists have discovered that our sexuality is actually determined within the first 10 days of conception, just as your eye and hair colour are decided in conception too!!!! I think the world needs to change it's mindset to incorpoate this fact! xxxx

whoa really?

I think it's natural to be distrustful and prejudices to those who are "not us". However being intelligent animals we can realize that this was of thinking is obsolete and can overcome it.<br />
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I think homosexuals face another la<x>yer of bigotry in that many homophobes in fact HAVE homosexual feelings themselves but have been brought up thinking it's a bad thing.

hehe i usually just laugh at people who think like that. I mean, what else can you do right? Sometimes its impossible to get through to stubborn, ignorant people. The way i see it, those people are a waste of time to pay attention to hehe. Anyways, i know this was posted on December, but i liked what you said and just wanted to agree with you there :) Have a good day

That's exactly what I think =)

AMEN TO THAT. Everytime my friends bring out that topic, Im always the one explaining that its NOT A CHOICE. when did anyone choose who to love? or fall in love with? but some people are too narrow minded. most of them even say "don't be gay, you're too pretty". gawd. that bullcrap. i sometimes reply saying.. "then you should be GAY then! if that's how you see us." LOL. Being gay is not a choice, but being out/proud can be a choice, lot of gay people choose to HIDE. but that doesn't change anything :(

hmm...people really need to change their backdated thoughts...good and very sensible story..i like it:)

i dnt knw if am gay yet...bt i feel somethin wen i see hot ladies....n if n wen i get a choice at lookin at nudes n stuff lyk that i automaticaly look at women...every single tym...i dnt see a choice there...so i dnt think any1 choses to b gay.they just are...

I said something similar in another Question. You can only choose to act on homosexual desires in the same way one chooses to act on heterosexual desires. We can't choose what we are attracted to anymore than we can choose what foods we like, only which ones we eat. <br />
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When people say homosexuality is a choice, I counter with saying that if sexuality is a choice, heterosexuality must be a choice to. It's absurd to think people choose heterosexuality. Rather they just grow up and become aware of a desire for the opposite sex. It's no different for homosexuals.

Never thought of it that way! Thank you for the comment. It feels good to be agreed with and not argued with.

"If being homosexual truly was a CHOICE, then there would be no such thing as a 'closet'." ---damn right you are..i didnt choose to be gay..i cant stop..whatever i do it keeps haunting..i keep having these feelings for girls..i hate it..even when i knew that im really in love with my best friend..thats when it went for the worst..thats why im not proud of being one yet..not right now..theres still i lot to think about it..that would be my parents and my mom is really a homophobic..i can see or feel the way she talks about my gay cousins..she feels disgust whenever the topic was brought..i hate her that way..and she would be on the top of my list why i will always be in the closet..this sucks!!!:(

Aw, I'm really sorry to hear that. :/ I've only come out to a few people (Four family members included, but not my mom or dad). I'm proud to be the way I am and It's understandable that some homosexuals aren't. It takes some getting used to and I'm still trying. I wish you tons of luck!

thanks..i really need a lot of that..take care..:)

you know what, we are similar. I'm also out to a few people, some of my friends but not my mom and dad - I'm happy of being who I'am, and I'm happy also that you are :)

Beautifully put.

Thank you. :D

I am what i am and all that kinda thing i suppose....

I agree.