Twisted Love Triangles.

I hesitated before writing this. Why? Am I ashamed? Maybe. I'm embarrassed that writing this is like coming out of denial. The denial that I've been in for about three years now. That I am........... Bisexual.

When I was in class 12 I was in a relationship with a good friend, while I was in love with another good friend. We made out a few times but there was an emotional connection. But all along I knew that I wasn't in LOVE with her and that all I was doing was experimenting and I knew inside that I was with her only cause I couldn't be with the other girl. I broke up with her after I realised that it wasn't really making either of us happy, and ended up losing a best friend. Two actually, because the other one got to know as well.

Now, I'm in college in a city far away. Ran away from who I used to be, you can say.

From the beginning of college, I was always attracted to this one girl. Over a year she and I became really close. Made out once or twice while we were drunk. She knew I liked her. A few months later we started making out... and more... regularly. It's been about two months since. She's in love thought, with her long distance boyfriend. It's very messed up. I know I'm in love with her. She knows it too. She says she cannot see a future with me because I know myself that this is temporary. And I sort of know it too........ And the worst part is, I also made out with another good friend, a few times, this friend who's in love with me.

Please don't get me wrong. I feel really close to all the girls and I am physical with. I do. And I don't want to hurt anybody and I don't want to feel hurt. But I do and I do. It's not like I'm being a ****. I really mean my love. But it's a little..............messed up. I don't know what to do.

I feel horrible. Completely horrible.

When it happened once in school it was horrible enough. And now again. I'm starting to feel like this is not just a phase. Maybe I'm a lesbian?

I've been with two boys, in my life. And I feel like I like girls only because they make me feel emotionally complete and because I haven't been able to find the 'right guy'...

And I like to 'go with the flow'.. and that way I end up having no rules. And I hurt people. And I lose friends. And all the girls that I've been with, they've been straight except for with me. I don't understand.
imaginationew imaginationew
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 24, 2012

Haha.. you seem like a Casanova! LOL.. read my story, i've been through something similar, just that in my case the girl pretended to love me back and double timed me for four months.. But i can never get it on or make out with someone else apart from her, which sucks! you're lucky that way. :P

Hahaha! Casanova, really? :P
Today my life is a little different. I've learnt to not give people the wrong 'signs' if I can't return the love that I get from them. And if they like you, they'll still love you and you'll still care about them and that is SO much better than hurting them and creating all that negativity....