It Just Started Making Sense But I Can't Tell Anyone

Okay, about a month ago I sat down and thought hard and ever since the question has been nagging me. I'm not sure what triggered it. I think it was the president of the psychology club.
Honestly, she is so beautiful. I thought about her so often and about how dreamy she was. She has the cutest laugh and smile. Unfortunately she is straight as an arrow and has a boyfriend. I saw his picture in her room.
Bummer but hey there are other fish in the sea.

I noticed that I never understood why people were so jealous of other women and now I know why: I was attracted to them.
I have practically no male friends besides high school acquaintances and family friends. I see some nice guys but I always secretly want them to go away.
It just never feels right. I don't date a lot but after each kiss with the guy I knew I was not in love or attracted. It was very unpleasant and I left. I feel bad.
Then it suddenly hit me that I am mostly interested in drawing curvy, beautiful female bodies ever since I was a child. I never tried to draw boys. I had to make a conscious effort.
Some guy made a comment asking why I had no male friends on facebook (more or less). I was shocked but at the same time I didn't feel a need to.
I've always been very female oriented and I tended to feel "warm" about other women.
Then, I was fired up about gay rights. People were kind of confused by the "enthusiasm" but I guess there was something personal there...
I have always hated people insulting homosexuals, transexuals, lesbians..So what if he wants to dress, or even BE a girl?
The only kiss I have ever enjoyed was from my high school friend..who is bisexual.
I just had to consider the options. Also, I keep telling people "Men are good looking but somehow it bores me.."
I think women tend to be more beautiful but that is just my opinion.

I can't come out because being gay is a CRIME in my country. I can go to jail for that!!! I'll keep my mouth zipped.
Thepinkcoconut Thepinkcoconut
18-21, F
4 Responses May 20, 2012

One of my best pals at work is a Lesbian, makes no bones about it, has a beautiful girlfriend, but, she is just a great person. I always laugh when gays think they are being persecuted for being gay, when its just that they are arseholes! So, Gay or Straight, or any flavour in between, be honest with yourself and be a good person, and you will have a good life. And yes, if homosexuality is a crime in your country, you might want to consider immigrating to one that is more tolerant.

I havent told anyone.. Even my gay bestfriend..

What country are you two from. It is unfortunate. It is not illegal here in the US. But it is still hard.I find myself trying to just ignore when people mention oh she's getting pretty for a new bf. I have not dated in 7 yrs. If you hear the things that people say.I dont want to get new friends or have my coworkers feel uncomfortable around me so I say nothing. I hope to meet someone new this year or next I did not think further than that. I know that it is hard. Especially when you see a beautiful woman being treated so badly by men and you know that you could make them happy but they choose to stay with men that will alway disappoint them.

definitely : (

Hmm well it is too in my country :s <br />
Its against my religion aswell....