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I’m Tired And I’m Coming Out!

I have been a resident of the closet for a long time. I’m 22! So I have been hiding here for so many years. I used to consider it my comfort zone. A place where I can safely hide my ego from being hurt by homophobes who can’t understand.

I am a lesbian. And a few months ago, I can’t even say the word LESBIAN.. I’ve known I was a lesbian since I was a little girl. Aside from liking boy stuffs all the time, I knew I was one since I had a big crush on our next door playmate.. Yes, she was a girl.. I know your thinking, I’m a kid, what do I know? Well, that didn’t stop there. When my family watches movie nights together, I always find myself attracted to the leading ladies! I knew I was different. I knew my feelings aren’t normal. Or what they “consider” normal.

I grew up in a place where people aren’t open to these kinds of stuffs. I was stuck in a Catholic school for 13 years. I have a God fearing family. Plus, I have an elder sister who’s like the QUEEN of all homophobes! LMAO! Yes she is.. Anyway, I grew up liking girls, it’s like I considered that to be normal. And when I was in the 3rd grade? I was sure that I’m not going to marry a man! Haha Not to brag or anything, I had a lot of suitors, but I didn’t find anyone attractive there! No, they’re not ugly, I guess, I prefer girls? Haha So I didn’t pay attention to any of them.. I was young.. and it wouldn’t matter if I had a boyfriend or not.. My friends would call me “manhid” or “numb” or “insensitive” or “a rock” because they think I have no feelings! And they think that I‘m senior in high school and there isn’t a single time where I actually told them who my crush was or what type of guy I am into. So then, I would make stuff up just to shut them up..

There came a time when I wanted to tell someone or anyone about it.. But my mind just tells me NO NO NO! And all crazy stuffs just enter my mind like, you can’t risk exposing yourself as a lesbian. They’ll make fun of you. Your friends will leave you. They will not understand. They’ll think you’re a freak. They’ll treat you differently. And you’re going to hell! So better shut up and just live a normal life just like the others. So there, I was hiding all the time.. Scared of being ridiculed.

When I reached college, I met this girl.. And yeah we ended up in a secret relationship.. but im not going to tell it here. Haha Maybe next time? So after 2 years, we went separate ways. She’s the only person who knows I’m a lesbian at that time. So there I was single. I was 20! And people were starting to think I’m 20 and I never had a boyfriend. So I decided to be in a relationship with a guy who’s like been courting me for 6 years. He was a gentle man, he was good looking, he was sweet, what every normal girl would consider as a perfect boyfriend. But eventually after a few months. 6 months to be exact, I broke it off.

Months passed and I said to myself, what am I doing? I am not happy! I can’t hide for the rest of my life. I am so sick of pretending..I am tired of being a coward..I am tired of wearing a mask just to fit in.. I am so tired of it! Yeah, 6 months ago, I was depressed being a lesbian. 6 months ago, I hated myself for being one. And yeah, 6 months ago I was in total denial! But not anymore. For once in my life, I WANT TO BE BRAVE AND STAND UP FOR MY HAPPINESS. I can’t be happy to be someone I’m not. I can’t continue to live a lie. I can’t go on doing crazy things just to please everyone.

I stopped caring about what people WILL think after I accepted myself being a lesbian. And I know the only thing that matters is that you know who you are and you are happy with it. I want to be free. And I won’t care anymore if people around me accept me or not. If they do, then thank you. If they don’t, then it’s better for you to get out of my life. After all I’m capable of surviving on my own now. So yeah! I’m going after my happiness. I know it just lies outside these closet doors. So, hey world! I am coming out!
deleted deleted 26-30 32 Responses Aug 26, 2012

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Hello everyone, despite the time this was written, its still timeless. Same happen to me too in some way. Thing is Im 30 now happy in over 5 years long relationship with my girl. When I was 22 I decide to come out slowly, check my friends and test people who I really can trust. I end up telling my parents when we were 2 years togiether, when I was about 27 than... So I wouldn't rush things up, depends on who you are, where you from and if you comfortable with it. Being honest with myself was the hardest thing in my life, but this was relief and my life finally start fresh and clean. All the best!

congrats for coming out ^_^ also there is no definiton of normal, only someones opinion

That's exactly the same thing what happened to me, thank you for posting this. :)

Yeah I was in a long distance relationship I got a job offer to work in Hawaii on a cruise ship took the offer it was tough and hard. But like my gf say distance makes the heart go fonder. I couldn't stand to not to near her and moved back home. Your mom will eventually accept it not now but later. Its the generation and the bible that makes people want to judge with close mindless

Its okay they will understand one day it takes time. Have you took your gf to meet your mom or your not comfortable yet? It took me long time to let my gf meet my mom not because I don't think my mom wouldn't like her but because she was crazy lol.

It was crazy my mom was like I knew it the whole time because she gave me a coach bag for prom and she was like i paid good money and that bag sat there on my desk the whole time lmao. Did you ever come out to your family yet?

Be proud once you get that off your chest that feeling you get is incredible. When I came out to my family everyone accepted it except my sister. It took her awhile to get use to it and then she finally accepted that it was me and that she couldn't change my mind.

Congratulations and best of luck

This kind of freaked me out. Almost exact situation here, except I'm about to break up with my poorً "fake" bf. I live in Mississippi and been scared of bigots my entire life. I'm hoping to get out of here and live my own life where i don't have to care of being judged. Just live to be happy.

congrats,welcome to the club

I'm a guy, and unknowingly took two girls, that I had known for a long time, out for a weekend on my sailboat. Thay engaged in lesbian acts and it was the hottest display of love and sex that I have ever experianced. You go girl, enjoy your attraction.

Yay! Congrats!

You go girls! Love who you want to love... more and more services come out on Internet focusing on Lesbian.such as Lesmingle。com . it's the world's first, largest and most trusted dating site for Lesbian.

if you know yourself?... you know what are the things that can make you happy.

did you already come out.. let people know that your not what they think you were?

so how that it goes? did you ever experience rejected by the one you chose to love?

You go girl! Love who you want to love... and don't forget to love yourself. Some people go their whole lives not loving themselves because they are scared to admit the truth! It takes bravery to face something like that! Awesome!

Thank you! And remember, only surround yourself with people who love you for who you are, other people don't matter. That's how I get by.

Hi Crimson, <br />
I am a 45 yo woman. I have been in denial about being attracted to women for 44 of those years. I was even with a woman about 20 years ago and loved it, but wouldn't let anyone know it. I was raised in the deep south. I finally got here to Texas where they are still a bit staunch in their beliefs. I found a man that appreciated me being bi-sexual. He is also bi-sexual. We live in a small town where he is a professor and I am widely known on campus as well. We have to be discreet. We are also swingers and it it great. <br />
<br />
I spent years trying to please my family and be a Christian/good girl etc. Now I am atheist and bisexual. And I am happy. My family will love me or dislike me whatever. But if they will love you that is great, if they turn against you, find those who are like you to lean on. They are great people and will help you through it and make you feel more special than your family can. Good luck and hang in there.

I came home with a love bite on my neck n my mother knew who it was from n she says oh no..not one of my children.. I could've at least prepared her for it.. I probably would've gotten a better reaction.. she soon came to terms w it.. she has recently passed n a couple weeks before she died she said I want to welcome chasity to the family we will throw a party for her when she comes home.. from prison.. then two weeks later she's gone.. just like that.

I'm very, very sorry for your loss. Your mother sounds like a normal, wonderful woman of my generation: at first upset by this news, and then accepting...the world is changing at an ever-increasing pace but we (baby boomers) were raised by people from a world that didn't have instant communication or "Will and Grace" in it until their later years. We are kind of like the turning point, right in the middle...at least, that's how it feels to me.

I'm so glad you had a chance to hear about her idea for a party of welcome. Maybe you could still do it sometime in her honor as a welcome to Chasity. I think she might have enjoyed that.

GOOD FOR YOU... I am very happy for u crimson red. U rock!!

if you need to talk shoot me a mesage :) i know how you feel if you would care to here my story shoot me a mesage i think you and i would be good friends :)

wellll would you look at that *_____*

Who gives a **** what your friends or family think about you being a lesbian. You are YOU, they should accept you for what you are and who you are no matter what the case is. You fight for what you believe in. Only you and god can judge you. When ever in doubt about yourself just remind yourself that it is YOUR LIFE. Nobody elses but yours. If people judge you, who cares. If someone can not accept you then they're not worthy of your life. Lesbians/Gays/Bis have a right too. I am Bisexual and I was once scared to come out when I was a little younger. I come out when I was around 12-13 years old. I guess it's different in some cases because I do like guys too but I still liked girls. I still crushed on a lot of the leading girls and had girlfriends. I still had to face those who was against the whole "Lesbian" crap but I let those walk out of my life with my head held high while they did so. <br />
So keep faith in yourself! Me, God, Those who care and most of all EP is behind you all the way! <3

Good for you. Enjoy your life, time and life are too short to not be yourself. Love yourself, most of all, be good to yourself. Cheers.

In life, it is so important to be who you are. Otherwise, you stifle everything about the essence of who you are. Do not live someone else's life. Celebrate who you are and what you are. Breathe. Exhale.

Thank you for realizing this! I wish other fellow lesbians would stop caring about what other people think. I know it's hard as I had to get over it as well. It gets better! I'm currently in the same situation as you with the religious family, but you know what? I don't care! I'm so happy with who I am! I love myself. There are other people who accept you for who you are. It really does get better, I swear it. Once you stop worrying about the people who aren't worth your time, which is everyone who is against you, oh my God, you won't just represent the rainbow, you will BE the rainbow! I'm grinning so much at your coming out and bravery. I welcome you with open arms. Congratulations and I wish you the best of luck! :)

I accept u!!!

Welcome to the world of lesbianism! Here in IL, it's like an underground club where everybody knows eveeeeerybody. Sometimes it sucks and women are drama (at least most of the ones I've met are), but when the right one is found who could blame a person for being gay or lesbian, or straight for that matter? Love is love, it doesn't matter if body parts are different or the same. Enjoy yourself and your newfound freedom, it's going to be great!

whoa what a story, seems like you grew up with chruch people. Church people can be the sweetest people ever, but also can be mean because sometimes they are bitter inside. And you reflect what is inside your heart. But I am a Christ believe, and NOT religious what so ever! I hate religious crap! I am a strong believe that as a Christ Follwer, I have to love EVERYONE! Love bares all things, such as someone being gay or lez. Only Jesus can change a person if they are willing, He doesn't force anyting on anyone. Take care and God bless!! :)

Haha very cool story and yes! Forget wt ppl think half of them have probs and they should worry bout that not wt ohter ppl doin. I'm glad u r free and livin life at the fullest!!! :)

:)

I really liked your story. Very empowering at the end and makes me want to come out. I think I feel the same way you do, although absolutely nobody knows I'm a lesbian. Good luck!!

wooohooo... Go girl:). Iam just feeling so happy after reading this:)<br />
Good luck:)