Operation Tell Mama I’m Gay - Failed

I know from the title alone it says I’m a complete loser already.. hahah but what the heck, I’m still telling this to get this off my chest! So yeah, I know a week ago, I’ve told my life changing plan to come out of the closet.. Well, was coming out of the closet as good as it sounds while I was planning it? Or was it a wrong decision? Hmmm.. Let me start..

Okay, so far, I have told 5 of my closest best friends I’m a lesbian.. And I have my fair share of “Whaat?” “Are you serious?” “But you look like a girl!” “You’re kidding right?” “How can that be?” “When did you become one?” LMAO.. it’s funny, to see their reactions.. I have to answer all their questions about it.. And the great thing is that, they still love me!! Awww… im lucky to have them..

But what I didn’t know is that, when I told each of them personally.. They revealed something to me.. So yeah.. 1 is a lesbian.. 3 are bisexuals and are in a relationship with a girl.. And 1 is straight.. Well, you can tell, coz she’s pregnant.. LOL I was surprised too.. I was keeping a secret from them, and they were too! Well, im not focusing my story here although this would be a funny one! LMAO! But naaah, this is my coming out story with my MOM! bum BUM bum bum! LOL

I still remember it like it was yesterday, well, it did happen yesterday..lol.. September 7, 2012, 11 in the morning. I was having a great morning when my mom visited me in my apartment.. I was in a good mood thanks to Jade..*special mention* haha Since, I don’t cook, I have no food there so we decided to walk a few blocks to buy something to eat for lunch.. I know I was planning to come out to my mom on my birthday, which is next month, but the countdown was painful! I feel like I’m going to be HANGED on my birthday,. So I decided to ruin the plan and go for today.

After buying our lunch, I was eating fruitcake.. and we were walking back now. I can see now in a far distance the apartment I’m staying in.. the pressure was building up.. I need to tell now or never.. So this is how the conversation went..

Me: Mama? I want to tell you something..

Mom: What is it?

Me: I think I’m going to stay single for life, I don’t want to get married..

(She’s so against same sex marriage so I said this)

Mom: Oh, okay.. If you happen to meet the man you’ll marry please get to know him first so that you won’t get hurt..

(I was like, wtf? I just told her im not going to marry but she says this thing)

Me: Ma, I had a relationship with Dave.. I gave it a try but it didn’t work out for me..

Mom: Oh, why did you break up with him?

Me: It’s coz I didn’t feel anything for him.. Not a single thing..

Mama: Okay..

Me: Ma? Do you want to know why I have no plans of getting married?

(We were getting close to the apartment and the pressure was so building up! I need to say it soon before we reach the gates)

Mom: Why?

Me: It’s coz………(long pause, my heart was pounding, sweating, difficulty breathing..Should I tell or not?)…. It’s coz, …I’M A LESBIAN…

Mom: *cursed*, No, you are a girl. You are a girl..

Me: Mom, I am a lesbian.. I tried having a relationship with a guy I didn’t feel anything and when he held my hand or acted sweet? I feel like im going to throw up! THROW UP!

Mom: No you are a girl.. Your acting that way coz you haven’t met the right guy for you..I was like you before, I thought I was a lesbian but you haven’t met the right man yet.. You are a girl..

We reached the gates.. I couldn’t push anymore because she was so busy pushing im a girl.. ima girl.. im a girl! She wouldn’t let me talk.. hmmm…I don’t remember saying I was a boy.. Wow! That was disappointing.. when I reached my room, I cried like a baby! It was hard enough opening up to her about this, but she didn’t believe me.. it was a big OUCH! My first rejection, coming from mom..I cried.. All I wanted was my mom to accept me.. I wouldn’t care if the whole world hates me for being gay, as long as my mom accepts me? I’ll be happy!! Super happy! She’s my mom!

I guess it wasn’t time yet.. I realized it took me 22 years to finally accept myself being gay.. And it would be unfair if I expected my mom to accept me this instant after I tell her im a lesbian. I know I didn’t get the reaction I expected so I was disappointed. But I won’t give up on my mom.. I know I failed once.. But the first is the hardest right? I’ll still continue to tell her I’m a lesbian until she believes me! I know those words are running in her mind right now when she remembers me.. She’s in denial.. But I’ll still make her understand.. I guess she just didn’t expect to hear that from me.. I won’t give up on you mom, I will still tell you I’m a lesbian even if I have to say it a million times! Hahaha So yeah! I failed but it doesn’t mean I can’t try again! Hehe
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8 Responses Sep 8, 2012

You are are not a failure or a looser. I give you props for opening up and telling those close to you. Just give your mom time. My mom was very disappointing and upset too :/ I'm 32 and still feel sometimes that my family or other people don't believe me but I really dont care anymore. I'm just living my life as I want and I'm happy. In time some people come around and accept it. But a lot of people think because you dont "look" gay...or atleast in their mind...and you look girly then you just confused or bi. I know because this happens to me all the time. I have people assuming I have a BF and I'm like no...I'm a lesbian and then their like ----> :O HUH? "shocked face/disbelief" but...you dont look gay :? And I'm like..."well I am!" then I'm like..."I'm a femme lesbian" so then I have to educate them and tell them that not all lesbians are butches or tomboys but some like me like to wear makeup, dresses, high heels etc...but like other girls. I think its hard some family because they have these dreams of us finding a nice guy that we can marry and be happy with. Its not what they've imagined for us...so its shocking....Just give her time. *HUGS

Thank you. You're a beautiful girl too. And one day you'll find an amazing lucky girl :) I do understand you and support you. <3 *Hugs

i wish u all the luck in the world

There are many twist and turns in our life ,so it seems to be a very perplexing situation for your mom so give her some time to think.innumerable questions are arising in her mind at the moment there is rush of doubts in her mind because she is nt able to accept it she have became like a thunderbolt now but dont u worry she will accept u one day for who u are dont loose hope n cry .be patient because patient is the key to success love will find a way where there seems to be no way ...be happy and i love ur jovial nature...

you are not a failure..... that moves is just a stepping stone! goodluck! <br />
<br />
thumbs up for this..............

Bravo,buddy!!!!<br />
I really appreciate your courage!<br />
When I read about your friends,well I laughing out loud!!!! Haha....there's many closets out there:))<br />
I just hope I can have your courage one day!share with me!<br />
Keep trying,buddy!!^^

awww.. Hugs:)<br />
Your mom will accept it but she is going to take time.But hey she will get it one fine day. Its really hard for parent to get this part of our's. You came out atleast.. My mom atleast will never understand.. I have read out many storiesof homosexual people to her. Alas! her reaction was never sane.. That is why i have locked myself in a closet. I will tell you a very funny story... I happen to be a very big fan of the Tv Series "Big Bang Theory" & sheldon(real name Jim parson) was my favourite character. Even my mom started watching it & even she liked his character. While watching it I told my mom that her favourite character in the show is a gay & he has a very handsome boyfriend in real life.. You should have seen her reaction... That was ultimate. She stopped watching that show again.. She will never understand & hence i will never try.. Hey you are courageous girl.. Now you told her she knows that you are lezz.. She is now just pretending that you are not.. Dont cry..! hugs:)

Really liked your story. You have a lot of courage, I admire it. I'm also 22, but completely in the closet. It's great that your friends are cool with it, and I'm sure your mom will come around sometime.

You didn't fail you actually made it past one of the hardest parts of coming out. Family is the hardest I went there with my mom too like a year ago when I fully came out. They might not want to believe it but when she does she will realize your still the GIRL she loves and will learn to accept you for everything you are and everything your not.... trust me my mom doesn't like it still but it takes time love keep your head up :-)

Lol I came out when I was 20 n I'm 22 now haha give it like two ish :-P