First Time

freshman year, I was 17 back then, confused with my sexuality. I used to mingle with guys til one day, I started to develop feelings for a friend, a girl friend. I panicked, I don't know what to do so I just let things be and act normal. I thought the feelings will go away but i was wrong, every day coming, I am just falling in love with her more.. at my 18th birthday party, I was shocked with her message and told me "Since you never really had a real boyfriend, why not just settle for me, am willing to wait" I am not sure if she meant it or she's just fooling me. deep inside, I wanted to tell her I am in love with you and yes, I want to be with you.. I wish I can just tell her that.. 18 days after, we are in a party, getting wild and all, we are dared to kiss. at first, I acted like no way. haha (deep in my heart, I wanted to grab her and just kiss her) I'm such a lame closeted lesbian, i know. after that night, we became closer, we hang out everyday alone. I guess everything's in the right timing because for 1 week, our friends are busy with stuffs and we are left alone.. after a week, I become gutsy. I told her how I feel, it was okay.. but the days after, everything seems to be awkward. one big mistake, I told that our relationship is not going anywhere, we're just friends. ahh I ended it before it even begun. what am i thinking? I never had a girl-girl relationship and I am scared.. the moment I was ready, she's gone.. I tried to win her back but she's with someone already.. anyways, at least from that experience, I cleared my confusion and learned to accept myself for being queer.
redcupcake redcupcake
18-21, F
Dec 3, 2012