I Took A Leap And Kissed Her..

I finally had the courage to kiss her and I was pushed away. After the long years of flirting and kissing each other on the cheek and she has kissed me on the lips out of nowhere at times sometimes with my lips parted. But it was always when its good for her..

I was sitting in the chair and she was hovering above my shoulder and reading my pinterest stuff asking me questions. I looked up and she was this close to my lips. So yes I just went for it.. I was stupid and went for it. Couldnt help it because ive loved her for so long. Ive dreamed of kissing her and her knowing how much I loved her, even though I believe in my heart I wanted to be fearless and take that leap. The reaction I got was more than unbearable. She pushed back and said I thought you were playing the last couple of days. She said "I don't want you to kiss me like that". She began to really say things like "if you do that again im going to slap the **** out of you". I just sat there taking it, feeling ashamed..

Im 40 yrs old in love with this older woman that lost her husband over a year ago.. Ive loved her for so long and shes sat in my lap straddled me, took her hair down and looked me in the eyes and ive always played her games.. I just couldn't hold back this time. My fears had overwhelmed me when she said such harsh things to me in that moment. I stood my ground sitting in my chair looking into her eyes and said "I couldn't help it you where this close to me" showing her my hand and how close she was to my lips... she said" oo really" and began to say you can kiss me, just not on the lips".

My head was down being scorned and saying " I won't kiss you again" I said softly. She said "Oooo so its all? or nothing huh?" She then jumped on the dryer looking down at me. I sat there not knowing what to say, just said
" please just go and leave me be".. She left and i went back doing my thing and finally said to myself i have to leave.

Walking out of the door I went home and had a good cried and told myself im a fool for loving someone who lived in a different era that will never be with me because shes a staple in our hometown. shes well known, she would never let me know how much she loved me. I remember her holding me and told me those exact words " You will never know how much i love you". I game to the shop the next day and she was asking me what my plans where for the weekend. I was very vague in any of my answers just embarassed but polite. It was almost like she wanted to pretend it didnt happen. She kept engaging me in her conversations and saying how do you feel about that? or what was that fiber bar you bought? etc etc..

Where do I go from here with this? i dont even know what to call it. Do I need to walk away and hope she misses me so much she kisses me.. In my dream thats what happens but am I wishing for something that will never be? Well thats my new story and it sucks...

charm
charmnflirt charmnflirt
36-40, F
2 Responses Jan 22, 2013

It's simple, the physical interaction you had with her was on her terms, and so you don't get hurt accept that fact and understand you can't have a romantic relationship with woman that treats you that way. If in the future, she comes on to you again refuse her because your not her play thing in which your emotions and body can be played with at her leisure. if i were you, I would change the level of friendship to a more light one, and to not be as close. Until you are ready to leave her.

I agree thank you ;) I took some time off from the office so I could reevaluate myself and get my life right so I could be the same happy girl I usually am. Going to be hard to face her but I'm going to. Make a promise to myself to meet someone like minded and to have this Incredible feeling Again.

Since you said she is older than you and everyone in town knows her, it sounds like she is afraid to let go. I think she is afraid everyone would think bad of her and even of you. She needs to learn that life is short and not worry about what people think. You my friend, need to decided how much longer you will put your life on hold. Trust me, there is someone out there just waiting for you. Please be happy.

;) looking at this oneday ill laugh saying gosh I was so in love with this lady who adored me and flirted and I even came out to my family and left my husband hoping for her. I'm free and some good things came out being in love with a woman. Now I have to put myself out there and hope to meet someone that loves me the same. Well stay tuned ill share what happens next! Thanks again
Charm