I just want to start this off by saying that I have always known deep inside that I was a lesbian but I finally accepted that I am a lesbian and not bisexual or straight about three years ago.

I have always known I was different, when I was little my friends would be flirting with other guys and talk with me about who they thought was cute and I always lied and agreed with them when sometimes I really thought my friends were cute. When I was little I had never heard of lesbians or gays so I just thought it was something I should of keep quiet. When I was about 10 I started to realize what gay people where and I started to think that maybe I was like that but I still dismissed it out of fear. As I became a teenager my friends started getting boyfriends and I tried to fit in and dated a guy named Sean for a little bit but I could still tell that I wasn't necessarily feeling the same way towards my bf like my friends were feeling towards their bfs so I broke up with Sean and began to think.

Soon my friends started having sex and telling me about what they did with their boyfriends and that's when I knew I was a lesbian, when they would tell me those stories it wouldn't entice me at all and occasionally they sounded gross to me. Once I found out I was a lesbian I knew I had to hide it because I had seen how some people reacted to gays before and I already didn't have a lot of friends so I just tried to act like one of the group and I still do and my friends don't suspect a thing.

I am thinking about coming out to my brother soon because I think he might already have a clue plus I know he will be the most supportive of me because he already has shown that he loves me no matter what.

If anyone else is a closet lesbian I urge you to come out because I have realized that this world is becoming more tolerant of people like me and if more and more people come out it will make more people comfortable with the subject and soon people wont care if you are straight, gay, or bisexual.
workoutnut33 workoutnut33
22-25, F
4 Responses Aug 15, 2014

Similarly, I have always felt a bit different from my friends, or other girls in general, when they would talk about their sex lives or how they felt about guys. I have had some major crushes on men, and a couple of "serious" but short-lived (about a year each) relationships through out my life but always felt something was missing. I thought maybe I was just too self conscious to really let go and enjoy sex, and that once I found someone I was comfortable enough around that my sex life would change.
I have never been with a female and I am not ready for that kind of step yet, but I can't help but wonder.
Also, I recall a friend I had when I was maybe 12 or 13. I thought she was my best friend and actually felt special that she would give me attention. I remember when I brought her to hang out with my other friends, they ended up becoming close and stayed best friends for years, and I was no longer friends with them. I felt so betrayed and was jealous, I think I may have even expressed this to them. In retrospect, I am a little embarrassed about how I reacted.
But anyway, I'm currently in the process of sorting through different feelings and emotions, and dealing with memories like this one that could have been an indicator of suppressed sexuality.

I remember coming out was hard but you just come to realize who cares what people think if they can't accept you that's their loss because whether your lesbian gay bi or trams whatever you are it doesn't effect your personality or who you are inside

Thank you for your story

I was too till i left my husband and now im happy.....;-)