I'm at a crossroads in all possible ways. And though i've been in a bunch of relationships with men , past history and being molested, has made me very uncomfortable around men. I've never been able to make a relationship work longer than a year, (actually they don't even hit the one year mark. I attract the wrong men, I make wrong choices, and after all of this.. it hit me, I don't think there is a man out there for me. Im very out going, artistic, and my work is appreciated.I'm attractive, I get attention (unwanted) --I've never had a bf who liked the fact that other men looked at me or that i have a adventurous spirit. (I've never cheated) . I don't choose my boys by their looks. And so far there are only 2 relationships where I felt i was safe and comfy . However one turned out to have a gf on the side. and the other- the most intense relationship of my life. A soulmate if you can call it. Well the guy is too insecure with his own demons and no matter how much i tell him he is the only one for me , he feels insecure. I don't have the energy for that kind of relationship anymore.
What got me thinking is I realize men don't make me feel anything anymore. And the other day. I wanted to have a lesbian experience before my upcoming birthday. I've been wanting to have one since 2004 but , never did happen. For many reasons , I think I have better chances of finding a companion and partner in a women. Sex is the last thing on my list. I find sex weird and well being molested by men does not help) . Thoughts?
jamieontherun jamieontherun
36-40, F
1 Response Aug 18, 2014

Very much feeling the same thing. I really want to be in a relationship with a woman. I've never been with one, but I've had a lot of awful experiences with men.

Thanks for replying. I still get excited when i see an attractive man.. but I feel a woman may perhaps provide better companionship. Its so confusing! ! I will without fail atleast try one relationship with a woman before I decide..

Yes, me too. I'm the opposite. I'm sexually attracted to women but have a hard time feeling emotionally close to one. So I'm not sure where I really stand.. I want to have a relationship with a woman as well before I decide for sure.