24, Still Not Out.

I too am in much the same situation and still closeted. My cousins and sister are accepting of the gay community and I guess maybe my grandma. My parents and aunts/uncles are much less supportive and this is ultimately what makes coming out so hard for me. On top of all this, I started dating a family friend which only makes things harder for me down the road because if I do break up with her soon, it is more than just her and me. I will be moving out in a couple months when I graduate and be about 60 miles from home. I know it's not far but I am hoping something happens to either make me come out or for my relationship to end. It's such a difficult situation.

I am hoping, for other reasons than this, to look for an out of state job. If my gf is not willing or able to move at the time, this may also be the change I need to start assessing and making changes in my life. I know my family would still love me but I am not sure how they would accept me and further things would be way too awkward. God I wish I was straight. Anyway, I would feel cheap for coming out long distance but I think doing so when I see my family on a regular basis would be too hard or risky. I am not asking them to understand, just to accept. Furthermore, I ask that they not slate me or make judgments on my entire life based on my sexuality. I just wish they could understand this. I know ppl who are out and have very accepting parents - that's what I want.

In the last few weeks I have really begin to lose the ebb of denial and understand I need to make some decisions on what I want to do. I cannot lie and say I have not contemplated ending my life though I know it's not worth it and there is so much I want to do in my life. I just want to know I will always be met with support. I see so many strong ppl (even those who are not gay, but dealing with other issues) that no doubt deal with difficulties but move on. I hope one day I can have their strength to make my life work. I wish people were more accepting.

If any of you have any advice for me, I would appreciate it. I am not looking for solutions or answers because only God knows what will happen with me.

I give you credit for where you are right now on your journey of coming out. It doesn't happen all at once so take it easy on yourself and choose people little by little. It would also be good to make one or two gay friends who do not seem self-absorbed or vapid, so you can learn to trust him or them to do regular things with, like talking, etc. This is to make sure you are not alone. Believe me, we are all out there, especially in the big cities of the USA.

I know what you mean, I'm pretty much where you are. I've been lucky enough to have some experiences with guys my own age but nothing you would call romance, unfortunately. And yes, I'm beginning to think 'Am I wasting my younger years when I could be having a relationship with someone? Will I ever be in that situation? Will I hide my entire life?' The honest answer is, I don't know. I can see myself saying that I'll come out next year, or at this time but I couldn't imagine ever properly doing it.

The more I do this the worse it gets, I feel like I'm getting slowly ground into the dirt and you know what? It's me doing it. But I can't see it changing. Not yet. I'm just not brave enough.

nickmanila72- thanks for sharing your experience and advice. after discovering this website and writing out my frustrations last night i feel great to know that i have friends in other places. I am completely independent finically and my brother only lives with me because he's going to college. do you think i should come out to him? im hoping that if i do tell him i could be more open at home.



iblogaboutlove-right?! but the more that i think about it, im placing all this hope that when i find love that it will magically make me feel confident enough to say to everyone..."oh this guy...yes hes my boyfriend and btw im gay". im waiting for this knight in shiny armor to help free me from my own closet chains but after meeting a few guys( ill admit it, thru grindr) they really are just looking for sex or we are just polar opposites. why cant my life be movie?

hey, yes i totally feeling you brother, i mean there are times i feel like if only i met someone that im in love, i have the courage to be myself because by then i am happy and i dont feel its matter much anymore. totally understand! sigh

This is a form of "deja vu" for me...your post that is.



Regarding the last paragraph, just two comments if you don't mind. And please know I mean no offense- 1. At my age (54) and being in the closet, I do look back with regret that I never came out. At the same time, I like where I am professionally and I really doubt if I could have gotten to where I am at if I did come out in my mid to late 20s, or even 30s. 2. Since I did spend my late 20s and early 30s away from family and lived alone or with a related room mate, I did venture out to find love and most if not all the time, it was sex that they were after. I did meet someone, but really it was just sex disguised as love. That I regret. Thankfully, I never did anything to risk my health.



Maybe, once you are fully established and are totally financially independent, you may want to come out. Until then, finding discreet friends would really help.



Enjoy your day :)