22 Year Old, Ex-athlete, Masculine, And Trying To Come Out

 I just graduated from college and was the captain of the swim team there and am 22 going on 23. All my friends are jocks and it doesn't help that I've already forced myself to have sex and be in relationships withgirls that ended up hurting those girls in the long run.
In college I was the guy that everyone loved- tall, good looking, athletic and even in a fraternity. All my friends still respect me, but don't even know the real me. What's worse is that my two brothers who are both a year behind me (my blood and best friends) don't know. I tried to tell one of them last year when we were drunk together but I ended up denying it the next morning when he asked. I told him it was the alcohol talking. The problem is that I am also hyper-masculine and not attracted to effeminate men. Sometimes I wish this weren't true, but I am looking for a guy who is like me- athletic, outgoing, and someone that I can easily identify/kick it with.
I have had my fair share of male hookups throughout college, but in the end they didn't work cuz I was too ***** to be seen with a guy that I "usually don't hang out with." I am seriously done with that attitude. I want to find a guy who is like me- ARE YOU OUT THERE?!?!!? I know you are but being in this situation we will never meet the way heterosexuals get to. Hopefully by becoming part of this community I can find that guy- I want so much to fall in love- the real type of love with sexual feelings involved. If you are out there- message me, tell me your story, I know I sound desperate, but I have finally come to grips with myself and feel like this website is a great start at finding a guy just like me.
Ng22 Ng22
9 Responses Jun 6, 2011

Masculine guys who are into guys are a rare breed. I completely understand. Really flamboyant guys irritate me like crazy. Prefer the 'straight-acting'. Though saying that, can I say one thing to you. People come in all different shapes and sizes...and personalities. We get so swept up in labels that we forget that we are not boxes. Being gay is a part of us, not all of us. Some people like chocolate, some do not. Same rule applies for people who fall for people.

Like others say, be your self. Be proud. Keep enjoying your life. You will meet like minded people and connections are made. I may need a chain to happen to meet that special someone but start with making a link.

Just realised you posted in 2011 and now I'm posting in 2014....so....how's it going?

I relate 100%. Being masculine gay and looking for the same can be very frustrating because neither person puts off obvious vibes. In situations like this I think its more luck than anything. This group can definitely help. Other than that just keep being out going and active in sports and you're going run across the person you're looking for. The vibes will be subtle.

I had a lot of problem coming out and quite frankly I'm still not out to my family, but I did come out to myself and got a lot of pride in doing it.<br />
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You could use the sink-and-swim method which I did by marching in the next Gay parade. I found a group I was comfortable with. Went on line and found out when they were marching, and just joined in. It really made me feel proud of myself.<br />
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Another thought: your straight friends probably suspect you are gay - especially women. They are not going to bring the subject up because they assume you are uncomfortable with it. But they are probably nice guys. They ones who are not are jerks.<br />
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One day they are all going to find girlfriends and will be spending more times with their loved ones. Put yourself first. Don't come out to them, just show up with a guy one day, and them deal with it. They might not even notice or care.

I can related to what you are going through. It's nearly impossible to find other closeted gay guys that either just want to talk and be friends or have a discrete relationship. I've thought about coming out to my friends, but I don't want to dynamic to change. Other than this whole gay thing, I'm pretty happy with things.

Yeah I really get how you feel. I'm going through a lot of the same things especially cause im into sports and stuff so its harder to come to terms with it. somedays I feel pretty confused with everything but I'm trying to cope with it . Drop me a message if you ever want to talk about it with someone.

I definitely feel your pain. I see gay guys all the time, but if I continue to be the way I am I will never get to be in a relationship because I can't be seen talking to a gay guy. It's good to here that you have come to grips and accepted that you are who you are. That's always a good first step. Now, if we could only figure out an easy way to show everyone else who we are......

same problem here, same problem here.. why isn't life getting any easier?? sigh.. good luck in finding the one, dude.. i believe with your assets, it shouldn't be a prob. :)

Just like you..don't even know how to find friends with the same sexual preference because I'm masculine..I'm even afraid to talk to gay guys because I fear my friends will suspect me. I came out to my mom a week ago and that weight was tremendous..but its only half the battle bro. I've got alot of accepting to do lol id like to be friends with ya..maybe on fb. Hit me up!

I know where you're coming from. I'm 21 and I've been playing soccer since i was 5. I'm not effeminate in any way, and I only seem to be into closeted or straight guys. I've never thought about telling anyone about my sexuality. Even though I've only been in two relationships (both girls), no one has ever questioned my sexuality. I have never been with a guy, I guess it's cause i don't have the balls to take the first step. And also because I hoped this is just a phase that would pass. But as i got older these feelings kept getting stronger, and nowdays it seems like it's the only thing I think about. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't worry, WE ARE HERE. Closeted and unhappy like you...