I'm Gay And I Hate It!I'm a 25 years old gay guy. My first fantasy about males that I could remember was when I was about 9 years old, and my first sexual experience with a boy when I was 15 years old. I don't really know WHY I'm gay! Why I like guys and don't like girls? I have every right to know the reason that made me gay and made that person straight, It's not fair at all. I have never been raped or molested when I was a kid, and I can't think of one little reason that could have caused it. I have been in the closet all my life, and coming out is out of the question and will never happen.. Not just because of what will other people think of me, but mainly because I don't feel like being gay is the right thing even though I'm forced to live with it. If you're gay and happy then good for you. But the problem is when you are forced to live with something that you hate.
I know that all the people reading now have this question or a similar one to me: "Why do you think homosexuality is bad or not normal?" My answer is that the idea of two guys together just doesn't seem right to me, even though that's what I want and fantasize about every single day. And I believe that not everything we want is right and normal. I don't think I can explain it to you better than that.
when I see women's private parts I feel disgusted. Excuse me for what I'm about to say.. but when I see them I feel like I'm gonna throw up, and that is supposed to happen when I see other men's private parts not women's! So there is something wrong with me. and as a result of that, there is no way in hell I'm gonna have sex with a girl and like it.
I have had several suicide attempts in the the past 10 years and all of them because I'm gay.. In the past 5 years I have visited 7 different psychiatrists and have tried more than 10 anti depression medications and I still don't feel any good at all, actually I feel worse everyday.
I'm still 25 years old and this is how I feel and have been through so far.. I wonder how it's gonna be like when I'm 35 or 45?! I hope I don't reach that age, because I don't think I would be able to live with myself, unless there will be a miracle that will turn me straight!
It's not all about sex, I just want my heart to beat fast when I see a cute girl, not a cute guy. and feel the sweat in the palms of my hands when she comes closer to me, I wanna be tongue tided when she asks me something while I gaze into her eyes longingly, and to be filled with joy and happiness with her presence.
All I want is to fall in love with a girl!
Is that too much to ask?!
sadness707 22-25, M 17 Responses 3 Nov 13, 2011