How To Stop Yearning After A Guy You Shouldn't, Is It Possible?

So I'm an in the closet, self hating, in denial, 20 year old gay man. Which is fine. I'm happier this way then I would ever be if I came out. But that's another story....

Despite the social distaste with homosexual promiscuity. I woke up yesterday morning with two men in my bed, after a night out to the gay scene. Not proud of it. . . Anyway, nothing much happened. And it was one of those rare occasions where there was no one else in the shared student house. So I took advantage of the situation. How else am I meant to get any human contact at all. I've never wanted a relationship with a guy.

So one of the guys, I found really attractive, and it sounds soppy, but the way he made me feel, even just by kissing me, I have never felt before. I hate to love it. Even though nothing much else happened, I felt really dirty afterwards...guilty almost. But now we've been texting none stop, and I feel like I'm 15 again, I'm starting to miss him! I don't even know the guy. He's made it clear that he wants to see me again and I really do want to meet up. But don't want to get into anything serious, or make a thing of it.

Would it be wrong of me to pursue this even though I know I don't want anything to come of it? . . . It would just mess up my entire life, and I don't know if I'm ready to give up the life I have built around me, as fake as it may be. I'm scared of falling in love, which is probably the weirdest thing I've ever said. I've never believed in love and have never had emotional feelings for a guy before. But I feel so happy about it at the same time, I'm scared of forming a paradox in my own mind.

Please help me! : /
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CoatHangerJack CoatHangerJack
18-21, M
1 Response May 7, 2012

Is there any thing wrong with a little romance? If it works out it works out if it dos'nt put it down to experence. As regards the rest of your "straight" friends you can introducr him as a "drinking budy." I've seen the "drinking budy" story passed off sucessfully for years. Anyway if the rest of the worls finds out the world will not stop revolving, but you will know who your real friends are. <br />
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I think you should go for it!<br />
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Take romance and life at a pace you are happy with, dont let anyone tell you what you should or should not do. (and that includs me)<br />
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live life and have fun

Thank you...I think your right. Just by meeting the guy I'm not signing my life away...panic over I suppose : )