Closet Lesbian

I am am a girl of 23 am a closet lesbian,am still a student, i hate who i am cos it makes me feel depressed when i see my friends talking about sex with guys. having sex with a guy is the worst tin i hate on earth, i want to be who i am but cant, i don't want my friends to run away from me even my sister am just confused dont know what to do.i tried havin a boyfriend but it dint solve the issue cos he do have sex with me and i hate him for that, he knew who i am and that y he always want to if i can get rid of it but unknown to him he is worsening everything i need help.