Should I Stay Single Or Date Him And How Do I Drop My Bad Habit?

I am a 25 yr old gay male living in Florida. I consider myself to be pretty ambitious and independent. I have a big issue that I don't think I can talk to anyone else about so I hope I receive good feedback here. Please, bare with me. So I am dating this guy that I really really like. He's perfect. Amazing and the most beautiful human being I know, inside and out. We started dating 4 months ago. I mean, he is so amazing. The second time we ever hung out I got food poisoning and was very sick. He stayed with me the whole time, nursed me back to health, drove all the way across town to make sure I was okay. No one has ever done that for me and he didn't even really know me. He's the first person I have ever dated 'officially'. I envy him and wish I could be as great of a person as he. I think I may possibly love him but I don't think thats possible given the amount of time we have know each other. His friends like me and my friends like him. I think about this man every single day. When I don't see him for more than 2 days I start to miss him as if he's been gone for years. Any of my friends will tell you thats not like me at all. But, I have a problem...I'm a sex addict. I'm rough, selfish, and a bit adventurous when it comes to sex. I crave and search for it at least 3 times a week, with other guys or my usual sex buddies. I feel it's getting worse. I am more horny now than I was when I was a teen or 21 or so. I told him within our first month of dating that I have this problem. I thought telling him this would avoid any attachments or possibility of dating or someone getting hurt. To my surprise, it didnt bother him. He actually told me that he wants me to still have sex with others and not to change my lifestyle or who I am. I actually think that he is attracted to my sexual nature but we are so different when it comes to sex, he's way more laid back about it than I. When we have sex, its a bit different than when I have sex with anyone else. I feel like I can't be myself and can't figure out why. Most of the time I don't even stay hard. He does everything perfectly so I don't understand why I hold back with him and why he doesnt fulfill me sexually. It's like he 'tamed the beast'. When we are actually doing it I can tell though that he wants more. I'm beginning to think that sex is the only area that we are not compatible in. I think it could be because when I have sex with others, there are no feelings involved so I just do whatever I want. But I have feelings for him and I think it holds me back and I don't know why. I guess I can't picture myself doing all the wild things I do with/to him. Two weeks ago, we had a deep conversation about this. He also told me that he has feelings for me now too and wants to take the next step into a relationship but he feels that I don't like him, he feels that I think he is just 'convenient' for me, he feels that I don't have feelings. He was shocked that I was still actually having frequent sex with others. He started to cry. This tore me apart to see him sad or cry. I felt like a monster. Of course I like him, more than like. Of course I have feelings. I think he would be a perfect first boyfriend for me especially that no one outside of family genuinely cares for me the way he does. I've always been scared of relationships like the plague. But now I see (from witnessing the experiences of others) that if you find someone like this, keep them. I'm afraid I am not capable of being monogamous. This sex addiction is not good for me and I know it but can't stop it. It's even put me in possible dangerous situations. I want to stop it because I want to be with him and I want this for myself also. I thought about deleting my internet sex profiles and phone numbers of guys. I don't want to lose him and I dont think I can settle with being just friends and seeing him with someone else in the future. But when I go to delete, I fall into temptation every single time. My options are to stay single or be with him. I know I can't have both and I for sure want to be with him. I don't know what to do. Please, give me some advice.
confuseddude305 confuseddude305
22-25, M
1 Response May 21, 2012

About the only thing i can suggest is some counselling. I am not gay but notwthstanding that ,my advice is to seek help with your addiction, aids and hiv are out there. you may think my advice is worthless but its all i can give you