I Told One Person I Am Gay

I've only told one person I'm gay - and now almost EVERYONE knows. (Everyone in our group of friends). Well, I'm a guy and I've always known I was gay and it was very difficult to come out to one of my best friends, Zoe.

She was extremely accepting of what I had told her, and I told her not to tell ANYONE and she promised not to. The next day, one of my other friends knew, and obviously when she knew, she told someone - and it's like a chain. Now, I'm not sure who knows, but I know of at least seven people who know. I suppose I'm kind of OK with it now, especially considering most (if not all) of them seem quite accepting of my sexuality.

It does get quite annoying because they make jokes about it in class in a loud voice and I just think to myself, "OH MY GOD... EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE ABLE TO HEAR!". It was funny at first - but now it's just plain annoying. They've also shouted it out in front of other people and then said that they 'forgot' where they were.

I'm not ready at all to come out to my family or be publicly out in my school, because I don't know how my family feel about the LGBT community, apart from my brother; he is extremely homophobic. Certain people in my school are also homophobic and I don't want to be treated any differently than how I am getting treated now.

I have cried over this before, and I used to suffer from depression (not so much now) and I have cut myself numerous times over this issue (I haven't cut I a VERY long time and I don't plan to ever do it again). I've also had suicidal thoughts but I've never actually attempted to commit suicide. I'd say that I'm much more happier than what I was then.

I know my friends probably thought that they'd be helping me out of the closet - but the thing is I wanted to do it myself. In a way I am relieved that people know because it feels like a HUGE weight off my shoulders. However, I don't feel like I can trust Zoe with anything ever again.

So yes - I'm somewhat 1/4 way out of the closet and I just thought that I'd share my story so far. If any of you are wondering - I'm 14 years old.
Juxtap Juxtap
13-15
Dec 10, 2012